Go me, its my birthday, we're going to party like its my birthday...

I'm all of 28 years old today. 28 on the 28th! Isnt that cute?!

I have no idea what I'm doing today, but I'm sure I'll have something to blog about.

Have a wonderful day!!

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Happy Holidays!

Here's what's going on since I finished my finals--

1. Went to my niece's 3rd birthday party where kids were all over the place.
2. I had plans to go out on Monday, but could not get into my car since the doors were frozen shut. The best part of that is I told myself I needed to by that de-icer stuff the day before.
3. Went for some more physical therapy where my consistent quote was, "I don't bend that way."
4. Saw the movie "Closer" which I really liked.
5. Downloaded my 200th song. (Ran Away to the Top of the World Today--Of A Revolution (O.A.R.))
6. Eating like nobody's business.

Sadly, thats it.

Thankfully I have a very fun roomie, and she proposed that we drive to Boston tomorrow for the eve. So maybe I'll have something to say by then.

I always get a little nostalgic this time of year.

Its hard not to when on TV and the radio people review everything that has gone on in the past year.

I even prepare myself for nostalgia.

First, it would be a complete disservice if I did not order you all to go see Garden State. I have fallen completely in love with this move, and not just because I'm in love with Zach Braff. The soundtrack is TREMENDOUS, and I've been listening to that continuously. That and "This One's for the Girls" by Martina McBride.

Incidentally, the Garden State DVD will be released on my birthday (December 28th). Because my birthday happens to fall 3 days after Christmas (December 28th), and 3-4 days before New Years (December 28th), which all depends on if you count the 31st or the 1st as New Years. I get extra nostalgic this time of year.

Sometime in early November I saw Garden State, which is a very thoughtful movie. Then in late November, I went to my high school reunion where I basically saw parts of my past again. When you take things one day at a time, you sometimes lose track of all the days gone by, who you were, and where you've been.

I have my last final on Friday, which is the end of a semester. Personally, this was a very long semester and I'm glad its over (hopefully I wont be taking any subjects along with me for another semester). The next semester is from January until May, with a 2 week Spring Break in between. In May we all fly off to our respective internships. (I dont know where mine will be yet) My expected date of graduation is May 2006, and pretty soon this will all be over, and these people won't be part of my everyday life anymore. Sometimes I wonder if CLS Boy will be there too. I hope so.

I'm also in awe, and completely excited for my 28th birthday (December 28th). I remember when I was 13, I thought I would be this big adult at age 24, married, with all the trimmings. I'm almost 28, and I still can't imagine that life in the recent future.

I am a lover of birthdays. Its the one day I dont mind that all the attention is on me. ME! I embrace my birthday (December 28th). I dont have any year I would want to go back and relive. I like moving forward. Even my Dad gets a little nostalgic, and goes over the events that occured the day of my birth. Snow, getting stuck on the side of the road, and how happy he was that I was a girl. My mother on the other hand is in denial about her age. Even though she's a grandmother, she prefers to be ageless, so she gives me a happy birthday hug, the mushiest card of the year, and a little gift. Then I feel like a little girl again, and sometimes I wish I was. Mainly because the focus was on storytelling, games, and lots of happy things. Now its more of, "When are you going to settle down?" I'm confident that things will happen the way they are supposed to, when they are supposed to.

But my friends keep talking about things we should do on my birthday (December 28th), and all these secret plans and secret gifts. I feel so special.

My head is filled with all of these little thoughts. One thing I see in myself is that I'm more comfortable in my own skin with each passing year, no matter what the events of the year gave to me.

I like that.

This is how I feel when I think about all of you!

Turn up the speakers.

:)

Lizzie is the only friend I have from the beginnings of my childhood. We used to play together everyday without fail. We used to pick dandelions from the yard and give them to each other.

Lizzie got married a little over a year ago. It was at her wedding I met CLS Boy (FYI: Things are going VERY well).

Last night I signed on to one of the many IM's I have, and I saw her name pop up.

Me: Hey Lizzie!

Lizzie: Hi.

It was then I knew something was terribly wrong. She never says hi to me like that. On IM or real life.

Me: How are you?

Lizzie: I have been better.

One of the main issues of her marriage is that her husband is getting his Ph.D. He was supposed to finish a year ago, and he keeps postponing the graduation date. Lizzie isn't working at the moment because she thought he was going to graduate in December, they were going to move, and she can do something more permanent then.

So she tells me that she doesnt think he's ever going to graduate. I try to offer words of encouragement.

Then everything unfolded.

She said everything changed between them right after they got married. He changed. All these promises went out the window. They haven't been like a couple for 6-8 months. On their one year anniversary, he went to his parents house and didnt take her.

I offered to punch him in the face.

I thought I saw a glimmer of hope when she said they were in counseling together. She says that she's done. I said that I would support her in whatever decision she made, and even if she wanted a ride somewhere, I'd take her.

I had seen them a couple times, and I didnt notice anything really wrong. She was mainly upset at him not having a graduation date.

It was weird talking to my friend through a possible divorce. I felt really sad for her because she doesnt deserve this. She's one of those people who has been through enough, one would think her time to enjoy life would be coming up soon.

The marriage has been 13 months long.

And dandelions just wont do.

The doctors finally got to the root of my supposed problem.

I little HPI (History of Presenting Illness):

For the past 1 year I've had recurring leg pain, especially after I exercise. I went to see a doctor about it a couple months ago. He ran some blood tests on me all of which came out negative. He then sent me to Orthopaedics who did an X-Ray of my lumbar spine. That also came out negative.

All this negativity made me question if I really had a problem at all. I figured they would send me to psychiatry next.

The Ortho doc did physical examination on me, which consisted of bending, flexing, extending, turning, and other weird positions, none of which were sexual in nature. (Sorry guys)

Diagnosis? Really stiff muscles in my lower back and hamstrings. So the muscles have been very stiff my whole life, and now they are trying to grow (since I was exercise happy some time ago), and no can do.

Treatment: Physical Therapy

At first I was excited for physical therapy thinking I would be getting a great massage every couple weeks. They make me do exercises, and the PT is consistently amazed that I can barely get my hands past my knees when trying to touch my toes, or that I can't lift my leg past a 45 degree angle without pain.

So after a bit of pain, she gave me homework. I get to do all these exercises, and inflict the pain on myself in the comfort of my own home. I feel like I'm doing yoga, and I dont like it. But I'm taking care of myself in one way, even though I need a mental vacation.

I've been so tired with exams and papers due that the only thing I want to blog about is Madonna's greatest fashion statement, which we all know is from her "Borderline" video when she wore the neon green socks with yellow high-heeled shoes.

But this is about all I can muster.

Wednesday night, my friend L calls me, and asks, "Dr.P, are you going to the reunion?" I said, "Nah. I don't want to go alone, and I don't know what I'll say to people. You're married and pregnant, and so is half of the class."

Her response, "Dr.P, its not like you're a stripper who does nails. You are doing stuff, and you can come with us."

So Saturday night, off to my 10 year high school reunion I went.

When we got the venue, L and I were saying things like, "Should we turn around?" and "What did we get ourselves into?"

Once we actually got out of the car, it was more like, "Who's that?"

Then me, L and her husband walked inside, got our little name tags, and went into the banquet hall.

Some faces looked familiar. Lots of change in hair colors. Someone said hi to me, and I said, "Oh, hi." 20 seconds later I realized who she was, and went up to apologize for seeming a bit rude.

I saw a group of people I used to be close friends with in high school. That was interesting, because they are all still close friends. It was good to catch up. I have to say the best part of the night was chatting with the people I still talk to about everyone in the room. You still had people who would only mingle with others in 'their' little "IT" crowd. Lots of pregnant women which was a little crazy to see.

I talked to the football player I had the biggest crush on in high school, who is not so cute anymore. I chatted with my friends from the second grade, 2 of my old neighbors, my tennis doubles partner, and a whole slew of people. I made it a point not to hang around my friends who I talk to on a regular basis, but to try to talk to the people I haven't seen. After all, thats why I was there. One guy who I hardly talked to in high school (and would not have talked to me either) bought me a drink, and 3 people told me that I have a great ass. It was nice to hear people tell me I look good, and I have to admit, I enjoyed their reactions when I told them a little about my life.

It was a surreal experience. I moved into this town when I was 6. I shared 10 schooling years with a lot of the people in that room. When I looked around at the faces I recognized, part of me was surprised that some of us grew apart, and maybe it was meant to be that way. We had our life together, and we've taken the people we wanted to take for the rest of our journey.

The night was one of mingling. I dont know how reunions are supposed to go, but only one person made a speech. I think I built it up so much, that I was slightly disappointed. I didn't reconnect with anyone in a grand way, meaning I didn't walk out with anyone's contact information. There was a lot of, "You should visit me when I move to Maine!" or "Next time you're in the city, give me a call!" I think thats a natural thing to say, but no one on either part made the effort to get a phone number or an email. Some people live around here, and maybe I'll bump into them. Maybe I have bumped into them, but I didnt know who they were. In any case, my parents live in the same house, so I guess if anyone really wanted to know they could call, and I could do the same.

One important lesson I learned from the night was that I am happy with where I am right now. I'm not supposed to be married and pregnant, I'm supposed to be in school getting this degree. I'm also happy with who I am right now and how much I have changed for the better in 10 years. "In crowd" and "Out crowd" ? In my world, that has dissipated, and I'm glad I could let go of those distinctions.

Last but not least, I am extremely thankful for the friends who have stayed in my life through these past 10 years. I know they will be around for many more. Maybe it wasnt the life changing night I thought it would be, but I realized so many important things I didn't give myself credit for knowing already.

Time to call the girls and gossip.

Im in the 2.5 hour of procrastination.

This Saturday is my 10 year high school reunion. I thought I would go with the notion of, "If this one sucks, I'll never go again."

Somehow now, I vehemently do NOT want to go.

The thought didn't come out of thin air. I know where it came from.

And its silly. Because I look better know than I did in high school, and I (hope) I'm on my way to a great career.

But...

Since everyone has been getting back in contact with everyone, there are updates after updates...and a good majority of the group are married, or married and pregnant. I know someone who knows someone who is putting together a little album of her daughter to show to people. For the 'picture wall', people are sending pictures of their children.

I understand their love for their kids, but I have a feeling that I'll be on a different plane than everyone. Actually, the people I know of who would be in the same wavelength as me aren't going. (I've been taking a poll)

Most of my friends are bringing their significant others for moral support, in case they don't have anyone to talk to. Part of me wants to bring someone because in high school I never had a date except for my prom date, and I wasnt the girl who anyone liked in that way. I dont want to be looked at the same way.

I can show up at any event alone. But reunions are not just an event to enjoy. Its a scale of where you've been, how far you've come, and where you're going. I know I've come a long way. Maybe its a fear of realizing that I really haven't.

Ok, so a small portion of me REALLY wants to go. I wonder who I'll see, and it would be nice to know if some people have changed. I wonder what it will feel like being transported back in time for a couple hours. Will it be enjoyable or will I puke? And do I really want this question answered, because Im happy with the current movement of time.

I'll make a decision in the 11th hour. That's for sure.

I need to vent.

I paraphrase by saying I love my best friend very very very very very very very much.

With that being said...

Yesterday was her 28th birthday. She devised a whole plan of going into the city to this Jamaican restaurant we love, and going to a hip-hop club afterwards. We both checked online for the hip hop places, and she decided on one.

There were 4 of us who went--two 28 year olds, one 27 year old, and one 25 year old.

We drove. Which was great. The drive down was fantastic, we were laughing, joking around, and having a fun time.
When we were into the city, we got a flat tire (not my car, but maybe I send out flat tire vibes) So even though we got into the city pretty quick, the hour we would have (normally) spent driving, we used to wait for someone to change the flat.

One rude guy changed the flat, we had a very yummy dinner at the great Jamaican restaurant, and afterwards we walked to the club.

The club was everything she asked for...hip hop/reggae with mixed crowd, but not trendy.

We were there 10 minutes, and she decided she wanted to leave because the music was too loud.

This bugged me A LOT.

I should have seen it coming though. I know if I went to this same club with Roomie, we would have had oodles of fun. But Best Friend had everything she asked for, and wasnt happy, and didnt even try. Best Friend has a trend of not trying to have fun. If she's not enjoying herself from the minute she walks in, she's not going to try. Plus, one of my friends who is newly engaged, wanted to go home for a while.

When we were in Miami, I had the most fun at the club because she and the other girl (who was also at the birthday), didnt really interact or even dance. I made sure I did, and I did it on my own.

The kink thrown in this is that R was supposed to join us. I had been in contact with him the entire time. Once we decided to leave the club, I couldnt get a hold of him. His phone kept ringing and ringing. I tried calling him for 45 minutes, and the girls were getting restless to leave. Im not sure what happened.

I slept in the car the whole way home. Good thing too, because the Irritation meter was going through the roof. I dont like it when people cant even try to enjoy a place.

I know Im just frustrated since its not the first time we've ended up in this situation. I'm also mad because I have loads of work to do, and I stayed out until 4am to be with people who did NOT attempt to have a good time. I could have gone to the University hockey game with my friends, it was Bhangra night at the grad student pub...there were other things I wanted to do with people who WANTED to go. I'm now tired, and have to somehow do some work.

Next year, I'm just taking her out to dinner.

Weird point #1: My old dermatologist is now giving skin advice on Oprah.

Moving on...

Today I went to court to contest my $148 speeding ticket that was (un)rightfully bestowed upon me the 6th of June of this year. (I sent in my not guilty plea right away, and this is the date I got)

Since I'm such a straight arrow, I was excited to be a lawbreaker/hoodlum/Gangsta for a morning.

My court time was 10am, and I got there at 9:45 (part of me was still straight arrow this morning) to find a line extending outside the courthouse. It was worse than going to the DMV or Christmas shopping. I hung out in line. The people in front of me were speaking Spanish, so I was trying to see how much I could understand.

Once I went through courthouse security, I stood in another long line, and we ended up chatting about the line itself. Lots of people brought their kids, so it was really beginning to look like the mall.

The courtroom was a little room. I gave my name and took my seat. It looked like a dingy old courtroom and not like the ones on the Practice. Much to my disappointment, Dylan McDermott was nowhere to be found.

The courtroom was divided into 4 sections and each person went to the lawyer who was done with someone first. So it was all in order.

My chosen one was a nice, white young man. Being that I was in the courthouse of the town with one of the highest crime rates in the country, he cut to the chase.

"So where were you going?" he asked.

"Home," I replied.

"Were you speeding?"

"Not really," I said.

"You were going 80 in a 55. How fast did you think you were going?"

"65." (which is a complete lie)

"Since you were so honest with me, I'll reduce your ticket to $50 (from $148)."

In less than 5 minutes, my first court experience was all done.

The fun part was when I was waiting in line to pay. My courthouse buddy from the first line was there, and another guy with a $300 reduced to $100 ticket was there, and 3 other women. We all ended up talking about our tickets and complaining about where we were stopped, why, and the cost of the ticket. A prime example of misery loving company.

I found out that I am destined for stardom.

Friday night was the grad school's
Diwali show, and yours truly, along with 3 of her friends did a Marati dance.

First, it was fun getting dressed up. We wore sari's in a Maharashtrian style, which meant that it looked like we were wearing pants. (I cant find a decent pic on the net) Once we were all decked out, jewelry and makeup on, we headed to watch the show.

There was a huge turnout. Saw my friends, my T.A. (Teaching assistant). CLS Boy and 2 of my friends from outside school came. The show was pretty good so far, minus the predictable technical difficulties.

Cutting to the chase, we were waiting to go on stage. The guy announced us, and the crowd started roaring. I heard people yelling my name, my friends name, our division name...it was so great. When the music came on, and the spotlight was on us, everything just flowed. I was smiling from ear to ear.

Let me digress...this week I was hit with the worst cold of my life. I was sneezing and coughing during dress rehearsal, and having a hard time breathing. People were telling me to smile more, and as cranky as I was, I retorted, "I would, but I just cant breathe right now."

Somehow the cold lifted from me, and I had a great time. I looked out to the audience, and saw a few familiar faces smiling back at me. Before I knew it, our 4 minutes was done. It was crazy that all those weeks of practicing finished in a blink of an eye. Is this how Britney feels?

Then the crowd was roaring again. After the show everyone was telling us how good we were.

The only glitch was that before the show we decided to exit stage left. When we ended (because we end in a pose), 2 of them went left, and my friend turned right...pretty much walking into me. But the lights were dim, so it wasnt that noticeable.

Anyway, I felt like a superstar!

Afterwards, -my 2 friends and I went to get some food. I hung out with them, and I really wanted to go to the afterparty. I guess since the dance was over, my cold decided to descend upon me leaving me violently coughing, and blowing my nose every 10 seconds. So I went home, and me, - Roomie, and Roomie's boyfriend all hung out while I was forced to drink herbal tea.

I dont really think I'm destined for superstardom. I couldnt even make it to the afterparty.

I don't like what just happened.

I'm not one to get political on my blog, but today is a very important day.

I was online with a good friend of mine who lives in New Jersey this morning. We were chatting about her daughter, and I told her how I was excited to go and vote.

She asked me who I was voting for.

"Kerry!" was my enthusiastic reply.

She told me that her husband went to his home in New York just so he could vote. For Bush.

Fine, I thought. To each their own.

Then she proceeded to tell me how no one in her church would vote for anyone who believes in same sex marriages and partial third trimester abortion. (I didnt know there was a debate on partial third trimester abortion either)...then she told me that all Kerry knows how to do is talk on and on.

I agreed with her on the partial third trimester abortion bit. But the fact that someone would base their vote on the basis of same sex marriages was appalling. I first found it sad that there are people who dont want to promote love, and second, is banning same sex marriages going to provide more jobs, end the war, boost the economy, and bring health care out of the toilet?

I promptly got offline with her and went to exercise my right to vote.

*which I should say was a great experience. I felt very powerful. It was great to see people in the town come together for the hopeful benefit of our country. The best part was the voting was held at my old elementary school. I can't believe how many years have gone by and how my concerns were so different then. The world was outside my realm.

Grad School is interesting...

When I tell people where I go to school, they react quite approvingly thinking we're all superintelligent and philosophize all day long.

This is not the case.

I never thought I would be in grad school asking the person next to me what they got for #9.

...one day in class, I didnt collect the handout in the beginning of class. I sat in between my two friends, and CP offered her handout so I could look on.

So as the lecture was going on my friend DC, who was on the other side of me asked me, "Why arent you looking at mine?"

I said that I was looking at CP's, and I'd look at his too. Then CP said, "Dr.P is my friend."

DC says, "No, she's my friend!"

CP: "She's in my division!"

DC: "She likes me better than you!"

CP: "I knew her longer!"

DC: "Well I have a penis!"

After this, a bunch of people in front of us turned around and I tried to hide behind my hair.

Grad school. Its really for anybody.

I had a rough week last week. I was really down, even my roommate was concerned. The thing was, I could pinpoint exactly what was bothering me. I just didnt know how to come out of my funk.

I knew I wanted something from someone. I wanted help. I didnt know how to get it, and who to get it from. I wanted to hear what I needed to hear. Although I myself couldnt define what that was.

Throughout the course of the week, I was given different kinds of advice from various advisors:

1) Advice from a budding psychologist who analyzed why I was behaving the way I was, and what I need to do to change.

This didnt work.

2) Motherly advice (not from my mom, but from a friend who spoke to me with a motherly tone)--This advice was filled with support, with a sprinkle of advice, and a side of what necessary things I need to do to make myself better.

This didnt work either.

3) The Fragile advisor-- Who spoke to me like I was going to break, and like they would break if I didnt feel better.

If you know me at all, this is NOT the way to talk to me when I'm down.

4) Random advisor who asked me if I was ok and to keep my head up.

5) The Dr.Phil-in-your-face-advisor--Oh you're having trouble with that?!...well, how's that working for you?!

The winner:

My friend in class who is a 2nd year student. She spoke to me like a normal person, giving me advice from a person who understands even just a little. I didnt think I would find what I needed to hear, but she was so honest and sincere and gave me the wisdom I needed to pick myself up. The best part was I didnt even have to go in depth of why I was frustrated.

I guess you cant always count on the same people to give you advice all the time. You cant guarantee that they will tell you what you need to hear. Sometimes cliche is not what I want. Logically its easy to tell yourself some cliches. I'm usually good at picking myself up. I couldnt do it this week. I knew I needed help. I didnt know what to say or who to say it to. I didnt know who to reveal myself to. I didnt want to reveal myself. But with my 2nd year friend, I didnt have to. I said one sentence. I didnt even expect to open myself up in any way, but the words started flowing.

There are times when it takes a different kind of person to tell you the words you need to hear. Even if its someone who doesnt know me that well. She was someone who read into me or something. I dont know what it was. I'm glad the words clicked in my head. I'm thankful.

Ok, I should be in stats class. But Im not. I never use my notes when I do homework anyway. I use the book.

Midterm week is coming up. I could have sworn I just started school.

In light of that, I tried to give myself a semi-relaxing weekend. I wanted to do something that required being outside since the temperature is going down, so I proposed we go to Mystic Seaport.

Mystic is a cute, New England shoreline town. Mystic Seaport has all the old boats and you can go through them. The area has all these historical artifacts, they have an old schoolhouse, a tavern, old houses, and in some of these places they re-enact how life was conducted back then. We went into the little church, and there was a tape of a sermon going on. We were the only people in the church, so I gave him a little kiss. Then I had to celebrate. I kissed a boy in a church! In the middle of a sermon!! I'm so bad...heh heh.

Afterwards we went to Mystic Pizza, where the movie Mystic Pizza was filmed. Pizza was yum. Then we went for ice cream by the drawbridge. We walked around and talked for a bit. While we were talking, I realized why I'm happy with him. We're not just dating, we have a friendship too. That's made all the difference.

As we were walking back to the car, we saw the drawbridge go up, and the boat go through. I've never seen one before, so it was fun.

Then on Sunday, I went to my best friends sister's wedding. My first Muslim wedding. It was lots of fun. The only part I felt bad about is that I had met one of sister's friends at a pre-wedding dinner (actually, sister's hubby converted to Islam in August, and there was a dinner for that). He came up to me and said, "Hi Dr.P! I saw you when you came in and wanted to say hi!" Too bad I couldnt say hello back, because I completely blanked on his name. I tried all these tactics to make him say his name, but he didnt comply. Finally my best friend walked over to say hi, and I stood next to her and slyly asked her.

Today I woke up cranky. Im mad at school. Thats such a whiny thing to say. Its just tough. I have the ability to do well in school with a LOT of hard work. I dont have that natural ability. So I'm getting frustrated since Im doing all the work (and then some), but not getting the grades I want. I hate writing assigments since they are subjective. I hate math assignments because I suck at them. Im mad that Im not motivated to go to class today. That should be motivation in itself. People say that it doesnt matter since we dont get letter grades, just a Fail, Pass, High Pass and Honors. I want the satisfaction of knowing that I know what Im doing.

Of oourse I've joined a journal club, advertising at an auction to benefit homeless shelters, and a group dance performance. I work 2 days a week, and I've squeezed in doctors appointments. I suppose slowing down is an option. I didnt have all these choices when I was in school in India, so I want to take them while I can.

I feel a bit better now. My vitamin must be kicking in. I think I can make it to and through my next class.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...

Happiness is changing out of uncomfortable jeans into any form of elastic waistband pants.

Hi. Im hungry. Please leave me a quick and easy food/meal recipe.

I already know how to make Easy Mac macaroni, and I know how to call for take-out.

I had yet another lovely, relaxing weekend in Vermont. It was a last minute decision to go. I was real stressed over school. Cried on Friday. Was very fidgety and very hungry on Saturday. So I went. We had a great time. I left early on Sunday, de-stressed and ready to do work.

As Im driving along the highway, my car goes into the shoulder of the highway just a tad. Suddenly I hear a loud "POP!" Instead of driving along a smooth highway, I felt like I was driving on gravel. I thought I could make it to an exit, but when the aroma of burning rubber filled the air on the inside of my car, I promptly pulled over.

So there I was, on the side of the highway. Cars flying by causing my car to rattle. I jumped outside my car and saw my tire absolutely shredded. It looked like someone shot my tire. Who knows how it actually happened.

I know how to change a spare, but I was a little nervous doing that on the highway. I called AAA only to find out that my name is not on my parents card, so they cant help me. (Oh yeah, Im all independent now) I call CLS boy to look up a few numbers online, as I called information to give me a tow truck number.

Information: "What city and state please?"

Me: "Well, my tire popped and Im stuck on the side of the highway in Northampton, Massachusetts. I was wondering if you could give me the number of a tow truck company."

Information: "Dont you have AAA?" (AAA is the 24 hour, nationwide, tow truck car fix it people)

Me (thinking): I called for information, not advice.

What I said: No.

Then she gave me a number.

Sitting on the side of the highway by yourself is a little nervewracking. Cars zooming by, you wonder if your new address will be "Somewhere between exits 17 and 18 on 91 South."

I talked to CLS Boy for a bit and then let him go. I figured its a good time to make phone calls and time would pass. I call my friend in Colorado.

"Hey Jay, its Dr.P!"

"Hey Dr.P! WHat are you up to?!"

"Well, right now, Im on the side of the highway waiting for the tow truck to come."

"What?!"

I told him the story which he found highly amusing.

Tow truck came within 30 minutes and attached the donut tire. Got the tire changed the other day. All is well for the moment.

THIS is one good reason we need cell phones!!

Throughout the week, I've been talking to a friend of mine who has been alluding to "an important doctors appointment." I asked her if she was ok, and she said that she was fine. I let her know that my door was open if she wanted to talk.

Yesterday evening, we were both studying together. She says to me, "I should tell you about my doctor's appointment." I didnt say anything because I felt like she wanted to tell me something.

She begins:

"Sometime I ago I went through a major depression. I came out of it by myself without the help of any drugs. But I hate my body. I've been diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic disorder. My hate for my body takes up so much of my thought process. I hate my breasts. I feel like if they were bigger I'd be more beautiful and confident. I didnt even attempt to go to the beach this summer. I'm going to see a plastic surgeon tomorrow. This is a big step for me. My family supports me in my decision. So there goes your perfect image of me."

I was floored. This girl exercises all the time. She eats right. She has a body other girls would die for. Other girls would ask plastic surgeons to make a body like hers for themselves. She's a size 3 and wears extra-small t-shirts. You get the picture.

She's so smart, bubbly, confident and even a bit feminist. I dont understand why she feels the need to do this.

I told her that it sounds like she's thought it through, so I support her too.

Then I couldnt stop thinking about what she told me. I've been so disturbed by it. She fighting with her own mind which is playing tricks on her. There is nothing I can do for her. I want to go into her brain and change the way she sees herself. Does everyone go through a depression at some point in their life? I've been a few, I wonder if I went to a psychiatrist at at that time, would I have been diagnosed with some underlying mental disorder? (I wouldnt have been surprised) I feel like everyone has an inner demon to battle with. Some people can fight it, some surpress it, and some lose their battle. I have my own demons to deal with also. I have found a way to deal with them. Some days I cant and I cry, and some days I laugh them away.

All of this makes me wonder if confidence is just part of an image or is it a real feeling?

I'm connected to wireless! I dont know whose wireless, but Im sending them good tidings in spirit.

Blogging has been put on the back burner. I miss having an income, but I keep telling myself this is all worth it in the end. I forgot the joy in having homework again.

When I pictured myself in any sort of Grad school, I never thought I'd be asking someone,"Hey, what did you get for number 9?"..."Oh thats what I got. Cool. It must be right then. Yeah. Lets hope anyway."

I was called well-adjusted the other day. A week and a half of class and someone thinks they can read me...wait til they find out.

The strange thing about being in class, is no matter what, there are still those people who feel the need to hear themselves speak in class. The people who always raise their hands. Granted, some have something to say. Others just want us to know who they are. Just like I did back in the day, I roll my eyes.

I participate in class too. Im getting used to that. At first I was nervous to give my thought in front of 130 people. I want to get used to it, mainly because I want to overcome a fear that Im in a minority of thought. Its an odd fear. I must have the whole "Strength in Numbers" instilled in me. I dont like that.

Im doing all sorts of things. When I was in India, we didnt have extra-curricular activities in my school. (this does NOT apply for every school in India) It was very strict and conservative. Now I have access to so much, I literally go for everything just to get a taste. I've joined some clubs/journal editing groups and that kind of thing. We are very lucky in this world, to have so much we can learn and be exposed to at our fingertips.

Anyway, enough procrastinating. Homework time. Ugh. Any statisticians out there?

Good Golly Miss Molly school has been a doozy.

A ton of work, and not enough hours in the day. I get frustrated mainly because Im still in the middle of setting up my place. I've had to take care of my parents house too since they are away. AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

I love my new place. My roomie is fantastic. We've decorated it a bit. Its so cute now.

The two main things I hate about living away from home:

1. I miss Mom's cooking. Im living off bread, hummus and cheese. My roomie eats organic fruits and vegetables. Her food shelf almonds, Go Lean cereal, sunflower seeds. My shelf: Ring Dings, Puffins cereal, Potato chips.

2. I HATE parking on the street. I hate parallel parking. I cant do it, so I guess I cant hate it. I can do it if the space is big enough. Otherwise Im taking half the day to fit my car in an appropriate part of the street. Theres always a car I want to kick a couple inches forward so I can create more space for me. I also hate the "Dont park the car on the left side of the streets on Wednesdays. Dont park your car on the right side of the street on Thursdays. Your car should not be seen on 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of every month" signs. Where do we put the car then? Its a bitch.

Other than that, I love my new life. Its weird to have an entire space that is my own. It feels so good. Even though no one is at my parents place, I cant wait to head home. We even have an alcohol cabinet.

By the way, we're having a Halloween party. Everyone's invited.

Lookee here! A possible real post!

I should warn you that I've had so much going on this past week, this post may not be coherent in any way shape or form.

Monday was my first day of classes. It wasnt too hard to get back into the school mode...until I saw all of my syllabi (syllabuses?). All the reading and assignments there are is a bit overwhelming.

My class schedule is a bit overwhelming. (Notice the emotional trend beginning to happen) I have 5 required classes. I have another class which doesnt have any credits, but its one required for my division. 2 of my classes have these discussion sessions as well. Its a pretty full week.

Then I've had to buy books. The prices of those are a bit overwhelming.

Then I've had to move in the last bit of my stuff. Walking into the apartment was a bit overwhelming, since roomies stuff is all over the place. So now we have 2 sets of stuff all over the place. Roomie and I sat and chatted for a bit which was great. She's met a couple of our nosy neighbors. The one with the hearing aid kept stressing that we live in a very quiet neighborhood.

I've been cleaning up the house before Daddy-o comes home from India. Its not that bad, but amisdt all the moving and school, I havent really cared about cleanliness.

I havent made too many friends in class. Some people have already found little cliques that they've settled into. Im not a cliquey type of person, so I dont look for that. I've made some friends, but I dont make it a point to look for them everyday. Its only the fourth day of class. So far, I've met some good and interesting people. I'm not looking to make friends at the moment. I can barely keep up with the ones I have. I'm more worried about finishing all the work thats on my plate!

Good News: I got my laptop! Woohoo! I got a Dell Inspiron 8600.

Annoying incident: The first time the UPS guy tried to drop it off, I wasnt home. He wrote the date of the next attempt, and I knew I couldnt be home at that time. (It could not be delivered without my signature) So I decided to go pick it up. Since I got a free printer with my order, I was told I have two packages. Yesterday I went for two packages, and the lady there said I only have one. After haggling over an argument I was not going to win, I left and called UPS. They said there were 2 packages, and had the record that I signed for one. Now they're going to try and deliver it again today. I have to be in class until 1 today, so Im hoping they'll deliver it after that. They should wait on my doorstep with chocolate cake for me as far as I'm concerned. That was almost as annoying as knowing that the Republican National Convention is going on right now. I hate it when I try to do something to make my life easier, but it inevitably makes things more difficult.

Because I have NO time for a real post for the actual moment. Here is something to amuse you.

Stolen from Meegan's blog.

1. Your name spelled backwards.
anemolihP .rD

2. Where were your parents born?
Deep in the heart of India

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Midnight Train to Georgia--Gladys Knight and the Pips

4. What’s your favorite restaurant?
On the Border

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
4 years ago...I think.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Nope, I was stage design!

7. How many kids do you want?
as long as my ovaries dont rot by the time I want kids...3 sounds good.

8. Type of music you dislike most?
Some Opera. I dont like music that I cant understand the lyrics to.

9. Are you registered to vote?
I sure am!

10. Do you have cable?
Parents house--yes. New digs--not yet

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Yep! I thought I was going to break it.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
I did the call and hang up. I couldnt handle the prank call. I'd start laughing at myself uncontrollably. Since caller ID came about, I wouldnt dream of it.

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Nope, just speeding tickets. I make sure I park in a good place. If I park in a metered place, I know when to run out and add the quarters.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or skydiving?
Big yes to both!

15. Farthest place you ever traveled.
Singapore

16. Do you have a garden?
Parents house--yes. New digs--no

17. What’s your favorite comic strip?
Calivn and Hobbes! Garfield is right up there.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
How could I not, after every American Olympic athlete would sing it if they won the gold. Actually my dad made me learn the Star Spangled Banner in the 2nd grade.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower in the morning and after any form of exercise or manual slave labor. I dont do baths just because Im too tall to relax comfortably in the tubby tub tub.

20. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month?
I havent been to the theatre at all this month. I saw an old Hindi Movie...Silsila on DVD.

21. Favorite pizza topping?
Mushroom and Pepperoni

22. Chips or popcorn?
Chips and salsa!

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
If I wear lipstick it's a dark chocolate shockolate brown.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
This is possible?

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
You didnt see me on Miss Universe? *sarcasm*

26. Orange Juice or apple?
Orange

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
BFF and we had Mexican food last week.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
I've been out of the country in any voting process...this year will be my first!

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Saturday at our orientation picnic.

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
A few.

32. Are you a good cook?
Depends on who you ask. Im a relatively good cook, but I still have a ways to go.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
This is a dumb question. Yes I do.

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
No. Im hooked to amazon.com.

35. Sprite or 7-up?
Whichever one has the vodka in it.

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Nope.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Toothpaste

38. Ever throw up in public?
I threw up in class in the 5th grade. Thats public enough.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
True Love. That lasts longer.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. Im an unromantic pessimist.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
Yup. Alyssa Milano had her own 900 number, and I called it to see what cool advice she would give. (This also in the 5th grade...I had some issues)

42. Can ex’s be friends?
The person who wrote this question is trying to mock me. Ex's can be friends, but there is a LIMIT to the friendship. LIMITS. LIMITS. LIMITS.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Considering I worked in one up until a few weeks ago...

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
I had black fuzz til I was about 2.

45. What message is on your answering machine?
"Hi, you've reached Dr.P. I cant get to my phone right now, so if you leave a message, I'll call you back. Thanks!" Yes its all peppy and chirpy.

46. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Dana Carvey acting as George Bush.

47. What was the name of your first pet?
Never had a pet.

48. What is in your purse?
2 pens, wallet, cell, shuttle schedule, NYC train schedule, keys. Some other shit.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Favorite thing?I dont know. But I always brush my teeth before bedtime.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
getting into school.

What I've learned so far in Orientation:

Pub crawls can make people come together.

I've also learned some things about the program and stuff.

Thank You.

Today was my first day of school.

It was long. It was crazy. I'm drained.

It was so strange being at school. I made small talk with so many people I lost count. Although I felt different. I lot of the 'kids' are fresh from undergrad. So they are peppy and perky about their new adventure. Im not really like that. Im in the get down to business mode. The youngins wonder where the bars are. I'm looking for my bed. It was actually beginning to stress me out. No. What was really stressing me out was 130 people being super-polite, and extra-friendly. I cant wait for the 'nice fronts' to fade, and the real personalities come out. Im not saying they are all going to be horrible people, but at least once the formalities are done, I can get a sense of how the person really is.

We do have a very diverse class, which is great. I guess I'm just ready to start my course so I can finish it and start work again. The finishing part will be in 2006, so its time to bust a move.

We had a dinner tonight. It was ok. I stuck around for a bit. Made some more small talk, and then left. I couldnt take it anymore. I was desperate for my alone time.

Im home, and happy to sit in silence. Tomorrow, I'll make more small talk, and hopefully not drive myself too crazy. If thats possible.

If you're in Bangalore, please visit Madhu's new restaurant, Shiok Far-eastern Cuisine that serves good Thai, Malaysian, Indonesian, and Singaporean food. The restaurant is on CMH Road, Indiranagar, Bangalore.

Compromises, Compromises.

How does one compromise without feeling like they lost?

Everyone wants their way. Sometimes when I look at a situation objectively, I know when to compromise. Other times, I may compromise, but then I feel like I'm giving in or that I've "lost."

I'm not always compromising in a bad way. My new roommate and I have been lucky enough to find happy mediums in almost every decision we have had to make together. Or we somehow talk it out until we come to a solution that is best. So even though I may not get everything I want, and neither does she, we are both getting something. I like this kind of compromising. Each party gives up a little of their beliefs, and come to a conclusion.

In relationships its quite different. Each person has their vision on how they want their life to be lived. There is also a vision of the type of person you end up with, and sure enough, the vision is all so perfect and wonderful.

Trying to combine two visions is proving difficult. Especially when there are a few extreme beliefs, and no happy medium. I'm not entirely sure if this has become a test of wills.

For those of you from the Northeast...the reason for the torrential downpours this afternoon was not due to a warm fronted jet stream colliding with a cool front downstream that brought along the clouds which formed over Lake Michigan...

It occured because I washed my car this morning. I'm sorry to all those affected.

I thought with my newfound (and shortlived) unemployment, I figured I would be able to blog everyday!

Even the unemployed get busy.

The unemployed ask themselves questions.

Much like this one...

Temper Control: When is it best to exhibit this sore quality?

Last night I got angry about something. Logically, I shouldnt get angry, but I was.

In my younger days, I was a bit of a volcano when I was angry. I would get angry and the planet would hear and feel my anger. I definitely toned down quite a bit. I display my volcanic anger when truly necessary. Really.

Nowadays, there are moments where on the inside, Im erupting. I've learned the art of the 10 second rule. It gives me a chance for realization...is it something worth getting angry about?

Last night I had a moment where I wasnt so sure if I should keep the temper in check. I did. Mainly because I played devil's advocate and saw both sides of the situation. (when you get a text message that makes you mad, you have more of a reaction time since its a pain in the ass to text) Part of me thinks Im angry because of the topic which was brought up. Its a topic that doesnt settle well with me, and logically (I hate this word), I know I cant be angry all the time.

Lately, I've been learning to accept emotions as they arise. There is a reason Im feeling what I'm feeling, even if it is irrational. I'm working on my filtering system of what is worth being expressed, and what needs to be dealt with on my own.

Life would be so much better if it were consequence free.

For example:

Me and what I would like to say to the one who needs enlightenment: You're a dumbass!

The consequence free response from the person I enlightened: Yes. You are entitled to your opinion. You are a Goddess. I will make things right to your specifications.

Sadly, this world only exists somewhere in my subconscious.

I finished cleaning out my closet. I cant believe all of the things I've saved over the years...old letters, old book reports from the 5th grade, dance costumes, to name a few.

Somehow, I cant seem to find the significant things that are required for my present life...my credit card, some transcripts from college in India, a ring...you know, the things I should really be saving.

Today is my first day of unemployement. I've taken on the daunting task of cleaning my room.

At this moment, Im cleaning out my closet, Eminem style. We've lived in this house for 17 years, and I've never cleaned my closet. Back in the day, cleaning my room meant putting everything in the closet.

I cant believe the things I've saved. Old letters, stories I wrote in elementary school, shoes, pens, a mess kit, my Cabbage Patch Suitcase, tap shoes, jazz shoes, tennis skirts, purses, notebooks from the seventh grade with all of my doodles on it, my Powder Puff jersey, a valentines day card from my first boyfriend (tossed!)...its an endless pit of memories. Even as I sort through everything, I cant believe how many emotional phases I've been through in my little life. Its weird to think that all those bits came from some part of me. And my handwriting?! All fat and curvy, fitting 4 words per line. (Needless to say, I have very neat handwriting now)

I'm sorting through everything. Reading the old papers before deciding if they should be thrown away or kept. I'm throwing more than I'm saving. In order to move forward, I have to let go.

Guess what I've saved the most number of?...Plastic Bags. Not just any plastic bags, but the ones from the brand name stores (Gap, The Limited, H&M, Old Navy). God forbid in high school, if a plastic bag was needed I used a grocery bag, or a bag from KMart!

Yeah. I've come a long way.

Today is India's Independence Day.

To celebrate, I showed my Mom my new apartment. She had her complaints, which was to be expected.

But when I moved in my first item (my new drinking glasses from Ikea), the only thought I had was that freedom begins in 2 weeks.

Tomorrow is my last day at work. Not really my last last day. Since I'll be going to the school affiliated with the hosptial, I can go in every once in a while. But its still my last daily day.

I'm pretty sad about it. Its been a great experience. A fun job, with nice people. Its funny how they slowly become a part of your life. I spend more time with my work colleagues than with family. They probably know more about me.

I wrote out some Thank You cards tonight. Tomorrow, they're having a small lunch party for me. Its strange to have people celebrate 'you' on a day other than your birthday.

On the same token, I know its time to move on. As much as I love this job, its time for the next thing. Which is 2 years of school.

Gradual change is one thing. You dont really notice what went on, and how you've changed until you look back. When you recognize an active change in your life, its like all of the senses are heightened. Its a different set of emotions. Although I physically feel like Im metamorphosing, there really is no outward change. On the inside, I'm becoming more adult. Its a strange statement to say considering Im 27. Most of my friends have their careers defined and/or becoming settled with their new family life.

Between the 13th and the 26th of this month, work will end I'll be moving out on my own (with roomie-friend) for the first time, then I will start school, hoping to finally be on the right track.

Whats happening with my blog?! I've made everyone worry.

Lets talk about happier, more frivolous things that make me (and maybe even you) quite happy.

I got a haircut today! Unfortunately, I couldnt go to my gay and glamourous hairdresser. I'm going to be back in student mode in a bit, and I cant afford his glamourous prices.

I went to the nice salon, but got a nice cheapy haircut with one of the trainee girls. I love it. She straightened out my hair too, so its nice and slick. My highlights are all lit up, which also means the roots are more magnified. Its a good day when my hair loses the portabella mushroom shape.

AND I downloaded the song, "Faded" by Soul Decision. Its one of the best return to pop songs ever.

:)

Thanks for all of your support everyone. It really means a lot. Even though some of us havent met each other, I feel like I know you. All I can say is the kindness of the blogger family energizes me and makes me feel so blessed, loved and lucky! (End of Hallmark/ABC afterschool special moment)

People always talk about other people they know who "put themselves off." They dont really worry about themselves. I'm like that. I always feel fine, I can work through anything. Why cant I work through this? I was trying to convince myself that its not a big issue and I can make time for taking care of me. I've been saying that. I guess now is the time.

I got my blood and urine test (I feel like an Olympic athlete!) done this morning. Even though I work in a hospital setting, I'm always surprised to see how many people are just not well for one reason or another. The waiting room was packed at 9am, and the place opens at 7am. Apparently its usually packed then as well, so everyone can get their tests done before going into work.

I got it done, and the bill will come to me under my name. I figure I've done something right. If the tests dont show anything, I'll wait until school starts and see another doctor so I can get some other fun tests done. Not that I want some problem. When you feel bad-health funny, you want it to go away. If it doesnt go away, you want to know what is going on. I want an answer, because there has to be one. I may sound nutty, but I know Im not feeling up to par, I cant do all the things I usually do, which means there has been a change in my body. I wont accept that its nothing.

Note: I'm going to be labelled the crazy patient. The Docs will cringe when they hear my name. Secretaries will moan in exasperation and their eyes will fill with tears at the sight of my number on their caller ID.


I cant complain. Its been a great year. I suppose it needed a couple down points. Its part of the cycle...when bad things happen, they can only be followed by something good. Then once again something low will happen. Its all about the appreciating what you have and what is around you.

I hate going to the doctors office. It sucks. I hate health care in this country too. You pay money when you're well to have them tell you that you cant be covered when you're NOT well. (unless of course, you shell out more money. Even if you do this, they'll drop you because you're "using" too much of their money. Like Im using my insurance money to vamp up my wardrobe)

My insurance expired a little while ago. Even though Im still working, there were some things going on and 3 weeks ago I became a part timer. I finish work in 4 days. My first day of orientation for grad school is on the 26th. On the 26th I will get some more insurance. The crappy part is that I can only go to the doctors affiliated with the University (where I work, and will eventually go to school), and I know some of these docs. I can imagine...I'll have to undress and we can never look at each other again. Augh! NO!

I havent been feeling well, and its very uncharacteristic of me. Not just a runny nose type of thing, but some constant aches and pains, which have started concerning me as of recent. I NEVER go to the doctor. I will work while I'm sick just to prove that Im not sick (although everyone knows IM sick. I just hate being inactive).

I went to a family friend who is a doctor. It pays to be Indian sometimes. You're never short of "off the record" health care. So I discussed my problem, and he was slightly concerned. Although he told my parents there is nothing to be concerned about. Which confuses me, because he went through the spectrum of "Its nothing" to "It could be a chronic, debilitating condition." Yeah, thanks buddy.

Since he told my parents that its nothing serious, my parents want me to wait 2 weeks until I get the blood test that the doctor order. Mainly because I'll have to pay for this blood test out of pocket. (yay) If I wait a couple weeks, I can see the docs at the University, and it will all be free. The problem is, Im still feeling my aches and pains, and with this blood slip in my hands, I just want to know if this is attributed to something that can be detected in my blood.

Part of me says that I might as well wait the 2 weeks anyway. Either way my school insurance will cover the University doctors anyway. The other part wants to know whats going on, and is willing to pay the money to find out. CLS Boy wants me to get the blood test done. He says he's not worried, but I know he is. He's been bugging me to get it done since I got the blood slip last week. I told him I'd get it today, but my parents said not to get it done, wait for the insurance and save some money. Part of me gets so mad hearing this, because they saw me with my aches and pains the other day. I couldnt do anything. They're sticking to the "The Doctor said its nothing" philosophy. Even so, if its all psychological (which I highly doubt it is), I'd still like to know I need a shrink.

I'm not worried. I honestly think I have something that requires conservative treatment. At least if I knew that, I could do what I have to do. But what if Im wrong? I hate this period of waiting for my stupid health care to kick in. I'm ready to fly to India for some ayurvedic care by the beach.

I had a fun day!

Today, as I was going for lunch with the nice Brazilian guy I work with, I hear someone calling my name.

I turn around and see a girl running towards me. I recognize her as a girl I went to college with. I didnt care for her much. She used to talk about me when anyone else was talking about me, and she would talk to me when certain people were talking to me.

I was in med school for 6 years. I knew her for 6 years. I would never consider her a friend, and I believe she would call me her friend in the 'right' company. In my opinion, in 6 years, she gave me more reasons NOT to consider her my friend. Whenever I run into these kind of people, I'd rather not talk to them. I wouldnt care if they walked right passed me either.

She runs up to me, calling my name, "Dr.P! Dr.P!"

I turn around and go, "Hi."

She says, "Its me, A!"

I reply, "I know."

She keeps going, "How are you? What are you doing here?"

So I tell her what Im doing, and that someone told me she would be in the area. (Thankfully I was forewarned)

She asks, "Where do you live?"

I tell her where.

She asks, "Is it nearby?"

I say, "Yes."

I ask her where she's staying. She tells me where, and points in the wrong direction. I politely, yet patronizingly point to the correct direction and say, "Its over there."

Then I tell her that I have to go for lunch.

Heh heh. Hey, just because I knew her doesnt mean I have to be her friend. I never understood the concept of someone saying hi to someone because they were in the same class. If you dont know them, (and dont like them), I dont see a need to go out of the way to be nice. I know she wasnt a good person towards me, and just because that period is done, doesnt mean all is said and done. I have no reason to be nice to her. I dont care how many years have passed. My friend was in shock and said, "You are usually so patient and talk well with everyone. She must have really gotten to your bad side!"

Im glad I could deliver a little bit of the bitchy karma she deserved from me years ago.

Sometimes I think I have my bank balance all figured out. Then I feel that I can take a little more extra money from the ATM. Usually when you get money from the ATM, you get a receipt with your account balance on it.

Its a little lower than expected.

Did everyone I wrote checks for decide to deposit/cash their checks on the same day or what?!

I love kids. They are tons of fun, and keep me on my toes.

Out of boredom on Sunday, I called 2 of my cousins who are 21 (MM) and 24 (VM) (obviously not kids) because I wanted to go out for dinner. We got to talking and decided to call my 2 other cousins who are 12 and 6. MM felt bad we were excluding my other cousins son who is 4 (Mr.Hyper), so she called him too.

When the 5 of us went to Mr.Hyper's place, he was so excited, he ran out without shoes. Mind you, it rained earlier in the day. We got his shoes on, and packed everyone into my little Chevy. During our short ride, the 12 year old asked me to roll down the windows and blast the Hip Hop station. Which was fine, because the 2 little ones were fighting over who is better, Harry Potter or Spider Man.

So at the pizza place, there was a 20 minute wait. Mr.Hyper could not handle this. He asked me, "Do you want to see my fighting moves?" and proceeded to do these not-so-karate-esque moves in the middle of the waiting area. I told him to sit, and 2 nanoseconds later he asked me, "Do you want to see my shoes glow?" and proceeded to jump around so I could see his shoes glow.

We finally got our seats. A booth! We trapped the little ones inside, and the 6 year old wanted to take off his sandals.

We got involved in conversation. We asked the 6 year old when his birthday was. He didnt know. We asked Mr.Hyper when his birthday was, and he said next Friday. (His birthday is in April. He also said he got a haircut on Tuesday, which also never happened) No one threw food, but there was a "Who can eat the most pizza in the least amount of time" game that was about to begin, but I promptly stopped that.

We definitely had the loudest table, but luckily we were in a place that drowns out sound really well. I had a fun night with the kids. But MM and VM stated they wanted to get their tubes tied.

Sometimes I hate getting mail.

Especially when its from the company where Im getting my financial aid from to let me know that as from this day forth, Im in debt.

Does this make me one step closer to being an All-American?

Hey Blogger!

Whats up? Not much here. When I say not much here, I mean in my present locale. Although there is always something going on in my head. Sometimes things can be going on not here that concern me. Like in California somewhere. Concerning a certain law student boy.

Let me paraphrase by saying, he's great. The other day he sent me a package that contained a t-shirt from his university, and the book "A Day in the Life of the Soviet Union." (I saw it at his place and had wanted to read it, so he sent it) He is really open with me, and I've learned to be pretty open with him (I still need work). He listens if I complain about the same things, when I talk about stupid things, and even if Im just singing a song out of tune. I can get his opinion on anything, and he's just so darn smart. He's open to new ideas, and he's very sincere.

With that being said, we've talked about his Ex a few times. He swears up and down that he would never want anything with her again.

She's going to visit him for a couple days. She arrives today.

The logical side of me says : "There is no way any relationship type thing will happen. I know it. We've talked about this, he knows I will kill him if it does. Plus, Im hot stuff AND tough stuff, he'd be stupid to even try anything."

Add the feelings, and this what generates: "Why does she have to be there? Why is she still so dependent on him? I hate it. This sucks. WHy do I have to feel crappy!"

I know him and I have beaten this topic to the ground. I wouldnt want him to tell me not to talk to any of my friends, regardless if they are an ex or not. Yesterday, I was just so bugged I didnt really want to talk to him. He asked me what was wrong. At this point, I feel retarded telling him because we've really discussed it all we can, and the only thing I can do is trust him. So I just keep quiet and say that everything is fine. Because thats how it should be.

He said that I can call anytime. (He said it would be rude to make a call with a guest there) I feel weird calling knowing that she is there. Im not checking in on him, I dont want my phone calls to be taken that way.

For the next couple days, Im going to be on edge. If my hair grew out enough, I'd be getting a haircut. Instead, Im going to spend the weekend in NYC. I have people I can spend time with too. Plus, if Im having fun, I will devote less time to harvesting a stress ulcer in my tummy.

Other than that, all is well. I have the apartment, I've lost 2 pounds, and I weighed myself after eating a Double Chocolate donut from Dunkin Donuts. I have money in the bank for the moment. I did get my cell phone bill yesterday, and it was a little higher than expected. I hate that. YOu think a bill is going to be a certain amount and they stick you will all the roaming charges on one bill. Thats shit! I have a tuna fish wrap for lunch. I need to learn how to wrap a wrap so the tuna doesnt ooze out the back end. Has someone invented edible tape?

Thats about all from my world. Its sunny today. A great day for a hike. Hope you are keeping well too. Talk to you soon! Take Care!

love
Dr.P

Life's been good. Can't complain.

But I will.

I got an apartment with my dear friend on Sunday. I was soooooooooo excited! The worst thing in the world is when something really good happens to you, and you dont have anyone to celebrate with.

I immediately called CLS Boy, and we celebrated across cellular airwaves. Then I came home to an empty house. So I called about 6 people, and no one was home. Somehow my excitement died down. (You know, even when I got accepted into school, I called a whole bunch of people, and no one was home except CLS Boy!) It turned into a little bit of guilt, thinking of some of my parents money I'll have to spend. My mom wasnt too thrilled, since she likes having me around. I know its time to go, and I need to do this in order to move on in my life.

I guess I felt a little sad. Im taking my bed with me. So when I come home to visit,
I'll be sleeping in the GUEST bedroom. Im not a guest in a house I've been inhabiting for 17 years. (Not a complete 17...I did manage to break away to attend college and do some other things) All my stuff is there from years and years. Part of me feels bad to leave my parents, since we keep getting bad news about the status of their health. I feel like Im running out on them. Logically I know this is not the case, and Im only 20 minutes away. Its just different when you're there if something happens...you can always do something.

Then I came to work on Monday and snapped out of it. My friends at work quickly found out about our new home and asked when the party was going to be.

Oh yes. Im going to throw my first party in my house. Then I realized all the freedom I'll have, and remembered why I was moving out in the first place. I'll never truly become my own person if Im living by a standard which someone else set for me. Its time to set my own.

One last thing...

Im completely computer/electronics illiterate. I need to get a new laptop for school. Any recommendations?

As of 1:20pm EST, I became a homeowner for the first time!!!

Well, my friend and I are renting an apartment together. But I signed a lease!! Yay!!

I'm finally moving away from home. Even though away is only 20 minutes, its still away.

Go and read Pua's recent post. Her account on a beautiful, life changing experience will just leave you in awe.

Be prepared. Get the tissues.

Doctor's orders.

I came back from vacation exactly one week ago today. It feels like an eternity and I think I need another vacation.

Although I cant take another vacation. I have one month left of work, then I take 2 weeks off, and its back to school for me! I get to add a few more letters at the end of my name. Im paying way too much money for this. When I saw the bill, I wanted to call and let them know that I wanted an education and not to buy one of the buildings on campus. Just to learn something because everyone keeps talking about how a mind is a beautiful thing to waste and I dont want to waste mine.

I have a lot to do, and I want to relax. Im going apartment hunting with my new soon-to-be-roomie this week.

Then I'll really have to pour out my money...I need a laptop. We'll have to buy accessories for the new place, we need a couch, I need more sheets (although I could steal some from my parents house), books for school, the all important brand new back to school bag, new notebooks, and a couple new school clothes (necessity!!). Im sure there are other things on the list I've left out.

This is why I cant take another vacation. Its so sad. I'm so talented at vacationing. Another beautiful talent...wasted.

Im heading off to Southern California in 48 hours! Wait. No. 37 hours?

But who's counting?

Yet again, Im procrastinating this whole packing thing. I dont know what to bring. In Los Angeles, its sunny and 80, and in San Diego its 10 degrees cooler.

I'm bringing 5 pairs of shoes, 3 pairs of jeans, a pair of black pants, a pair of beige pants, my linen pants, a jean skirt, khaki colored skirt, tan shorts, jean shorts, my sporty shorts, cargo pants, green capris, black capris and a variety of shirts to go with each bottom.

I know I'm only going for 6 days, and I hear California is great for shopping, but what if there is an emergency party and no time to shop? I need to dress for the occasion.

My curling iron. I havent used it since March, but I may have the urge to use it. Toiletries?...check. Perfume?...check. Should I burn a CD? That could be important. Good music. A beach towel? Socks?

I would have been much better off packing things in a box and shipping it out there a week ago. At least that way, I'd have some room in my suitcase.

Sometimes I wish someone could read my mind and tell me whats wrong with me.

**Addendum**...I sat around last night, wondering why I was in a funk. I really dont have anything to feel bad about. This is the best things have been in a long time. Then I found out my friend in NYC was in the same melancholy funk, and this morning I read that Pua is in the same type of irrepressible funk. Last night I was assured that I do not need Zoloft and that I just need a little pick-me-up for whatever reason.

I'm heading to NYC for the day.

Last night I experienced something I thought I would never experience.

There is a mouse in my house. An ugly mouse.

This is not a lame attempt at Dr.Seuss. There is a little, unwanted, MF*-in mouse in my house. I saw it and ran away. I dont know what's become of it. This mouse has caused me to tiptoe around my own (parents) house.

My parents are enjoying seeing me in this vulnerable state.

I want someone to tell me the mouse either ran away, or got attacked. If this doesnt happen, I will be forced to run away.

Dreams scare me. Good and bad.

Sometimes they seem so real. Within the past 2 weeks, I have had 4 dreams where I have woken up in a complete state of disorientation. Mainly because each dream has involved someone I havent seen in recent months.

I wake up a bit freaked out. I wonder why they are in my head. Is it a sign? Will I see them soon? Should I call them?

Its the whole reality of the dream. I know they are real people who exist. I am myself in my own dream, with my feelings and thoughts. Then when I wake up, everything is gone. My feelings, the people, and the moment.

Yesterday, I realized how selfish I can be.

My friend became a new apartment owner last week. She plans on having a Housewarming party, so she registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

At first I was excited to use that gun-bar-code-scanner. After a little bit, I got tired. Then bored. There were decisions being made about garbage cans, spoons, measuring cups, ice cream scoops, and most important, the George Foreman Grill. It got a little taxing.

That night I spoke with Cali Law Student Boy and I told him how tired I got making this registry. I told him I can't get married because I don't even have the patience to register. He said, "Well, it may be different when you get married because you'll have someone to help you out."

My response, "Yeah, my mother could do it for me."

Cali Law Student Boy then stuttered, "Uh...yeah...well...that's not exactly the kind of help I was referring to."

Me, in complete embarASSment, "Oh, you mean a hubby husband like person?"

Cali Law Student Boy (recovering from shock I presume), "Yeah."

My brain (and quite possibly my soul) were not constructed to share life with anyone.

I'm watching the top 51 Greatest Smartasses on Comedy Central. My mother just walked in and asked why I wasn't on the list. Do you think she's trying to tell me something?

I wore a sari to the Gala.

Sometimes I love wearing a sari when I know everyone else will be in a dress. Its different, its fancy enough and Im quite comfortable in it.

People are always curious on how its worn. Its basically one long piece of fabric. Once you get used to it, its not so bad.

In a way, it feels good to wear it, because its not only a piece of clothing for me, I'm showing a part of my culture and who I am. I'm not shy about that.

Receiving compliments such as, "You look like royalty" and "You look fabulous!" for a good portion of the night isnt so bad either. :)

I hate shopping.

I should amend that. I hate shopping for one specific thing. When I actually have a goal in mind, forget about finding what I want. Murphy's law once again bites me in the ass.

On Monday, I was invited to a Gala sponsored by work. They are starting a new Ovarian Cancer Detection Screening Program, so this Gala is the kick off for it, as well as a fund raiser.

This is a big deal. Those of us who work there have a free table. Others are paying anywhere from $250--$10,000 for a table.

I obviously cannot wear jeans to this affair.

So I went dress shopping yesterday. My size gets snatched up rather quickly. Either that or they just don't make dresses in my size.

I tried on about 6 or 7 dresses and got fed up. I didnt find anything. I'll try a different mall today. If nothing works out, I'll just wear a sari, because I dont want to pay for a dress I wont wear again. Let me tell you, this whole shopping-for-a-dress-garbage is one reason I refused to go to my junior Prom or any Homecoming.

I did find something that I quite liked...a Milk Chocolate Chip Cookie from Mrs.Fields. That fit perfectly.

Im tired. I need to stop thinking.

This weekend, I had a wonderful time at a wedding in DC. DC is a nice city. Its no NYC, but its still beautiful and rich in history. There is a strong chance that after grad school, I'll end up in the DC area, since there are lots of job offerings in my field out there.

I stayed with one of my cousins, his wife and his 2 year old daughter. This cousin and I were never particularly close growing up. He was and still is quite the intellecutal, and I was always the goofy one. We never had much in common.

Now, we can talk until the cows come home. I look at him, his family, and his beautiful home. A part of me wants that, but I dont want it now. I wonder if its ok not to want it now.

My cousins wife is from our caste and community. She also grew up in the U.S., and neither her nor my cousin speak our language. They dont really observe any of our holidays either. They eat Indian food when they go to their parents house, and they raise their daughter as any typical 2nd/3rd generation would.

Fast forward to the wedding. Another set of cousins of mine were invited to this wedding also, and we were all at the same table. I have one cousin who has been dating a Polish guy for 3 years, wants to marry him and buy a house with him. Once she makes that move, her parents will disown her. My cousins and myself made a pact that if we get disowned for any reason, we will still support each other. Whether we listen to family or our hearts, it seems like there will be some sort of sacrifice.

Time goes by so fast. Sometimes I wish there were more free hours in the day, or more days in the weekend to just relax, to visit people, and even clean a little bit. I like to squeeze so much in because there isnt always a chance to do what you want to do and see who you want to see.

In a couple months, I begin grad school. I feel like the next 2 years of my life will offer so much of many things, especially change. I dont know where I'll end up, what I'll be doing, and who will be by my side.

I hope I dont let any oppotunities pass me by.

Recently I got an invite for my 10 year high school reunion. I'm still on the fence if I want to go or not.

My high school experience was rather ordinary. I still talk to a lot of friends from high school. I feel like I keep in touch with who I want in my life.

Part of me feels that I am such a different person than I was back then. I'm much more assertive. I was so passive in high school, I shudder at the thought.

There are a couple people I'd rather not see again. I have issues with seeing people who I was once so close with after a long time. Then you see them again, and its a weird feeling of foreigness. I ran into a friend at Pier 1 a month ago. We used to do everything together. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. After she got married, she stopped calling and inviting me to her place. You could say we grew apart, but I feel like she tuned me out of her life. When we saw each other, we said hi, and had formal conversation. It was so awkward. I dont want to have to experience that for an entire night. Will I even talk to the people I never talked to in high school? Its just so strange.

I dont want it to be a night of "Who's more successful/beautiful/richer" type thing. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

I AM curious as to what others are doing. One friend brought up the point that its just one night, and if I hate it, I never have to go back.

Seeing all of those names on the list brought back so many memories of people I thought I would never think of again.

I cant believe its been 10 years already.

I've actually had a nice weekend. (More detail later)

On my way back from New Jersey, once I reached near home, I got pulled over.

I was doing 70 in a 55. I can't drive 55. Neither can a lot of other people who were speeding past me.

The officer complimented me on the fact that I pulled over to the correct side, and turned on my signal as I did so. Little did he know, I've been through this experience before. People picking on the American made car. (Chevy)

He then slapped me with a ticket for $148.

Now because I got this ticket in my home state, if I pay this, it means I plead guilty, I get points on my insurance, and the insurance goes up. Im a po' folk, so I cannot afford this. I must fight the good fight.

I am going to blatantly lie and plead not guilty. Im going to court!!! I've never been to court, so I hope Dylan McDermott is my lawyer.

One thing that makes me upset, is that if I am terribly unlucky, they may set my court date on one of the days I have scheduled my non-refundable trip to California. If thats the case, I will be very very sad. Im in a quandry.

To add insult to injury, the Flames lost last night, forcing a game 7 in the Stanley Cup finals.

I need some cheering up. Please answer the following questions which I blantly stole from her blog.

1. Who are you?
2. Have we ever met?
3. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
4. Describe me in one word.
5. What reminds you of me?
6. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
7. Ever wanted to tell me something but didn’t?
8. What do you love like a fat kid loves cake?
9. What makes you come back here?

I have a confession to make.

I didnt roll a blunt in Miami. I didnt have public sex. Although it was on the 'best of' list. It was a sneaky evil ploy to lure you back into my world.

I saw people having sex on the beach (not the drink, the action) at 4am. I really tried to divert my attention to the ocean, but when I wanted to give myself a panoramic view of the ocean, there they were, knockin' boots.

Where do I start with my trip?!

I'll start with my favorite night of the trip.

On Thursday night, we went to a club called Crobar. It was hip-hop night, and the friendly receptionist at our hotel gave us free passes. Otherwise we would have had to pay $50! No dice.

The 3 of us entered the club, and immediately started dancing. 2 out of the 3 of us enjoy drinking. So A.M. and I started buying each other rounds of rum and Coke. Then A.M. decided we should step up and we did shots of Red Headed Slut. I've never had a red headed slut before. I highly recommend red headed sluts. heh heh. The vibe of this club was awesome. Everyone was dancing just to dance and not to grope. I loved it.

So we went up to the second floor and were dancing there. This Bangladeshi guy comes up to me and starts talking. He was cool and offered to buy me a drink. I told him if you buy me a drink, you have to buy my friends drinks. He complied! I was shocked. Hey, I told him the deal, and he didnt have to agree. He bought A.M. and I a couple rum and cokes, and S.V. her $5 bottle of water.

We were dancing queens. They played everything! Jay-Z, Tupac, De La Soul, Mary J.Blige, Nina Sky...all the fun hip hop.

Then a guy comes up to me. He's holding a bunch of drinks and has a water bottle tucked into his elbow. He asks me to move the water bottle from his elbow to his pinky. I asked him, "Can you carry all that?" Then he told me how he's a bartender at a place called the Laundry Bar. Yes people, there's a bar in Miami where you can drink and do your laundry. Him and I chatted for a bit, and he said to thank me he would buy me a drink. He was true to his word and came back with a Jager Bomb. Now, Im not sure how to drink a drink that requires 2 steps. He gave me the shot glass inside the big glass. I didnt know what to do with it, so I took the shot of Jager and drank the Red Bull. I think I was supposed to sink the shot. Oh well whatever. I ended up looking at pics of his dog that he had on his phone.

Then I danced my way over to the DJ booth and talked to the DJ's friend about music. Somehow I met another guy there named ALdo. By this point I had enough drinks in my system, and I kept calling him, "ALdo like my shoes!" (Aldo is a shoe store here, and luckily for me, that night I was wearing my Aldos so I could say that sentence with much conviction) He was a funky Haitian man. We danced for a bit, and we spoke in Spanish.

My friends and I stayed at the club for 6 hours. 5am it closed and we left. I ran into Aldo like my shoes and he walked with us back to the hotel. We were listening to some music in his discman and dancing down the street. My friends thought this was hysterical. Once we were at the hotel, I said 'bye' and sent him on his merry way. (Even in my drunken state, I was not about to invite him up!)

So the night was a grand success. Great music, cute clothes, fun friends, 2 phone numbers (which I didnt use), and happiness galore.

The next morning, work called me at 11am, and I had no idea where my head was. That was the best kind of ouch.

I'm baaack!

Miami was fantastic. It was just what I needed, and 5 days was the right amount of time.

We got our butts up at 4am to catch the 6am flight. Needless to say it wasnt too difficult to wake up. The flight was uneventful. When we got to Miami, the view of the palm trees and the crystal blue water made me giddy with excitement.

We got to our hotel...let me tell you there are hot men all over this city. EVERYWHERE! I wished I had another set of eyes to take in all the hotness that surrounded me. Our hotel was on Ocean Drive, which is near the beach, and one of the main party roads in Miami.

The first thing we did was change into shorts, run out onto the white sandy beaches under the beautiful sun. I have never seen water this blue and beautiful in my life. I felt like I was walking into a postcard. I couldnt take my eyes off the ocean. Needless to say, I was clicking pictures incessantly.

So we went back to the hotel to change. We found one of those free newspapers, so we took a couple and flipped through them.

We found a "Best of" section...Under this section there was "The Best Place to Roll a Blunt" and "The Best Place to Have Public Sex."

More later...;)

AAHHH!!!

Its 10pm. Im waiting for the Real World to start.

Im also waiting for my friend to pick me up. We have an early bird flight so we're going to her parents house, which is near the airport.

Although my suitcase is packed, I dont think I have enough. Actually, its more like I dont have enough of the right stuff.

Are there any professional packers out there?

I just noticed that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin named their newborn daughter, Apple.

Her name is Apple Martin.

You know someone is going to start calling her Apple Martini. Or that could be the alcohol lover in me.

Can you tell I'm desperate for my upcoming vacation? I made this post to postpone doing laundry.

On Wednesday morning I'll be on a plane to (hopefully) sunny Miami!!

May the men be just as tasty as the margaritas.

I hope for other things as well...nice beaches, good food, no criminal activity, all my luggage arrives in one piece, fun outdoor shopping, funky clubs, and surprises of the good kind.

Although having good-looking men serve me margaritas on the beach would really make my vacation worthwhile.

Sometimes a lot can happen, and I just dont know where to begin blogging since nothing relates with each other, so I really have a ton of things I could blog about, but if I blog about everything at once then it becomes a real long post, and when I preview it, I cant even finish reading it myself because I have a headache from staring at the computer screen all day, but I really want to talk about so many things, and as the days go by more things come up to talk about, and then I wonder should I blog about my daily bits in chronological order, or should I start from the most pertinent points and then discuss the other stuff later, or maybe I could do a bunch of baby posts or should I not blog at all and go straight to bed, but I have all sorts of feelings inside that I want to sort out and blogging does have that cathartic effect, so maybe I should deal with those first so I can relax, and I do like getting other peoples opinions to whats going on in my crazy world where things have changed so much in so little time, and are going to change even more, I wonder if I can keep up with all of it, in fact I wonder if I can even keep up with the thoughts in my head because that would be so scary if I couldn't then I would end up in a place between bipolar and schizophrenic, God I hate when that happens, but where oh where do I start and where oh where has my yellow hi-lighter gone, I got red highlights, I got into school, my niece left for India, she cried and it was the saddest little face that you ever did see, so that in turn made me cry, but I cried in the car on the way to meet the guy my cousin tried to set me up with in Boston, who was cuter than his picture and very cool, but no spark, I think he'll be a great hangout buddy, but he had a shorty complex because I was taller than him, oh well, tomorrow I'm picking up Cali Law Student Boy from the airport and I'm so excited, then I drop him off at a halfway point where we will meet up with his parents and they will pick him up from there, my best friend came over and gave me a gift certificate for a facial since I got into school, she's so great, and it was so sweet, especially the mushy card, she's such a mushball, and then she went home, I should go for the facial, work has been crazy, I had to brush the hair of a chemo patient who is losing her hair, so clumps of hair came out with each stroke, she was very sad, and I was sad, but I think she will get better, she's a sweet lady, by the looks of this post, I think I need that relaxing facial right away, but its 9:52 pm and no place is open at the moment, I hate this ghost town I live in, but there is the other alternative and that is going to bed, which I think I will do, oh yeah I got a real cute anklet yesterday, now I'm all caught up for the most part, I know its been a long rambly post, but in its own funny way this makes sense to me, and I feel so much better, especially since I was able to spend some time in the sunshine today.

Last night, myself and 3 of my friends went out to a real fun hip hop club.

At the end of the night, a very fine young man came up to me and asked me my name.

We chatted a little, and he also chatted with my friends who also thought he was cute. So he asked me what I do for a living, and I told him that I do cancer research.

I believe in tic for tac, so I asked him what his job is.

"Well, I'm not a criminal," was his reply.

Needless to say, I did NOT give him my phone number.