Sunday, November 30, 2003

After eating all that Thanksgiving turkey with all the trimmings on Thursday, and eating Turkey Soup for lunch, and leftover turkey and trimmings on Friday and Saturday, I knew I had to do something before I turned into a roly poly ball.

I went to the track.

This track was the same track I ran during high school. Its around the same football field where I spent all Friday nights during the high school football season, when I was in high school. My bones have grown a little older, but I what I was doing could still be considered running.

There was a high school kid running as well. Actually he was sprinting. Then he ran the steps of the bleachers. It was a frigid winter day. I was wearing layers of clothes. He had shorts and a long sleeved shirt. He was working for something.

Even though I live in the same town I grew up in, I've never gone back to my high school. It was strange driving to the same place I drove to almost 9 years ago. Everyday. I even parked in the 'senior' parking lot.

So I was walked around the track, flashbacks hurling at me right and left. High School was a good time. Im not sure if I want to go to my 10 year reunion. I've debated this. I keep in touch with a good number of people from high school, so I figure I've kept everyone I've wanted to keep near and dear, why look back? I dont need closure for anything.

Part of the reason I dont want to go back, is because there were people I didnt like back then, and people who I had falling outs (yes, plural) with, and I'd much rather leave that in the past. I dont want to have to be fakey smiley and actually care what everyone else is doing, when I dont care. I havent thought about them for 10 years, Im not going to start now.

I hear reunions can be fun. Reuniting with people who were with you from ponytails to puberty. I suppose there could be fun in that. What do you do all night? Reminisce, and say, "Bye! See you at the 20 year!"?

I wouldnt want the night to be full of competition. Who's acheived more, who has it all, and that kind of talk. Subtle competition if you will. People arent being sincere in their reasons for being at the reunion. Why is everyone looking at bigger and better, when happiness may lie in whats smaller and just right?

I'll probably end up going just to find out.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

As I was eating my Oreo cookies after lunch today (the mature woman's snack), I had a thought. It was a thought similar to one Paul Simon had.

"A man/woman walks down the street and asks, why am I soft in the middle now? Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard."

As I strategically ate my Oreo (First the chocolate layer, then the creamy part, then the bottom chocolate layer), I realized...when life's hard, I get soft in the middle because I eat when Im stressed.

I havent gone to the gym at ALL this month. I've been working until 7 or 8 most nights and by the end, Im pooped. I come home, work on applications and work on my paper for my class. (And blog) My abs have deteriorated to a marshmellow status. (Paints a lovely picture doesnt it?)

Thursday is Thanksgiving, a holiday devoted to eating. God bless the Founding Pilgrims for this holiday. Just thinking of the spread makes me salivate. Im well on my way to becoming spherical in shape.

So my goal is to become de-marshmellowize my abs and the rest of my flobby self by my birthday. Starting now.

Well...maybe not now, but by the end of the week.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

I think Cupid has something against me. A conspiracy if you will.

Today 2, (count them 1, 2!) Exes called me today.

One was the Brit. Brit and I had lovely conversation. Then he pulled the, "Why havent I heard from you?"

Why havent you heard from me? Im not obligated to keep communication lines open anymore.

Number 2, was Number 2-head, D'ex. As usual, his call was friendly, laced with a certain more-than-friendliness. I know he calls because he's lonely. Hell, he calls to tell me he's lonely and single. He wants me to go and visit him (and bake of one of my homemade cheesecake). I know when one of us finally moves along, there will not be any contact whatsoever.

Sometimes I hate it when they call. Sometimes I love it. The Brit and I have been apart, and out of each others sight long enough to get over each other, even though our history is long and twisted. D'ex and I had that 4 month 'summer vacation', but once he started calling again, we have been talking monthly. They are a reminder of my past in so many ways. The type of person I was when I was with them, who my friends were, what was going on in my life, and they were a part of all that. Today with both, we ended up talking about things that happened during our period together. That is something strange to look back on, when you're trying to be in 'friend' mode. When that happens, I wonder if I made some sort of impact on them in some way.

Paranoia has also carried on with the 2 guys I've been talking to. I hate seeing NYC Med-students name on my Chat list of people who are online, yet not chat. Or he has been idle for 10000 hours. I want to leave a message which reads, "If you are not at the computer, shut it off." After that thought came to my head, I decided to go with the 'expect nothing' approach, so if we do converse, I will be surprised. (whee!)

Cali Law Student emails me. Even when I dont reply. That kind of bugs me, and its nice at the same time. I guess Im just not used to it. But he's in Cali. 3000 miles away. The buck stops there. Or at JFK International Airport. I dont know where it stops, but its not going very far.

I'd also like to add that one of my friends in India told me I am single because I dont pray hard enough. (Hogwash!)

I hate the dating aftermath. It can be so nice, yet so ugly at the same time. After a certain age, being single can be so natural, and so strange at the same time. I know I should be single now. I cant date with all my other things going on. On the flip side, every so often I crave a big hug, or curling up under a soft, fluffy blanket with someone.

I have thoughts of "I dont need anybody", and in the next minute I think of how, "I want somebody." Want and need are two completely different things.

I need some therapeutic TV right now. A spoonful of Oprah and a heapful of Sex in the City. At this point, want and need are interchangable.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Yesterday I attended the work happy hour. My friend and I were talking to one of the Egyptian guys who works in the lab. He was trying to convince us that there is a philosophy behind belly dancing. He talked and talked for over 20 minutes. Although he never gave us the actual 'philosophy', my friend and I laughed continuously.

Then at night, I met up with my Tanzanian friend for tea (since I dont drink coffee). On the way home, I almost got hit by another car who was speeding on a back road.

Tonight, we are going out to dinner for my best friends birthday. The group consists of myself, along with 5 of my best friends friends. Luckily I get along with them. Unluckily, they dont get along with each other. Luckily (or quite possibly Unluckily), they were nice enough to put aside any differences for my friend to celebrate her birthday.

Im hoping my laughter from yesterday will carry over into tonight, and last night's near-disaster is not a premonition for tonights dinner.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Last night I watched a new episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, after months of Bravo showing the same 4 episodes over and over again, with mucho emphasismo on the one where the guy proposed to his girlfriend.

As I was watching, lo and behold, who has hit puberty, and undergone a very nice transformation himself... Jai, the culture vulture. Thats right, Jai with an 'I'.

Today I'd like to present this years "...From Cutie to Hottie" award to none other than Jai Rodriguez...(applause!)

Jai Rodriguez has starred in the musical Rent, and is now the Culture Vulture on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. We believe he has a CD as well, but our research department is on a mental holiday so this cannot be confirmed at the present time. But if he does, we love the fact that he is indeed a "Jai of All Trades", which is always looked upon with much starstruck adulation here at the compound of the Awards Committee.

We, the awards committee, would like to commend you, Jai Rodriguez, Culture Vulture, on the transition from really light brown hair with unnatural blond highlights, to all chocolate brown, because let the truth be known, a little chocolate makes everything sweeter. We would also like to let you know that your workout is really working. Your efforts have all been duly noted. We also offer one suggestion intertwined with a compliment, and that would be, dont take any more trips to the tanning salon as your skin reached a perfect golden tan. If you tan anymore, your skin will become leathery, and all that exfoliation would have gone to waste, as your glow would be gone. Im sure Kyan has gone through this with you already. (Kyan, we love you too!)

Unfortunately Jai could not be here tonight to accept his "...From Cutie to Hottie" award, due to prior engagements/better things to do, but he did send along this message via satellite:

"Thank You for this prestigious "...From Cutie to Hottie" award. I would also like to thank Aveda for the hair color. As you can tell from my pictures, I love the camera. More importantly the camera loves me. Boys love me too. And in the midst of all this love for me, I have love for you as well. I also have love for dancing. Always remember, the perfect handshake should be made out of rock, not silly putty."

"Extra special thanks to the lovely chocolatey Dr.P herself."

Why Jai! How kind of you! For that, you will not have to give up your trophy, and I will try to make you a sash which reads "...From Cutie to Hottie"

In other awards which were handed out earlier this evening...Bono is still "Mr.Devlishly Handsome with each Passing Year."

That will be all for this evening.

Thank You for joining us in this extra-special post. Good night and Exfoliate.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Things that are irritating me at the moment.

1) Friend XX has invited herself to all of my next months upcoming NYC trips. She has also given herself permission to crash at my friends places. (none of whom she's met) I wouldnt be so irritated if she at least asked first. At least thats the polite thing to do. I dont know how many people my friends are having over during each weekend. I hadnt planned on bringing her. Since she is my friend, I told her about all of my plans with my friends. I didnt expect her to invite herself along for the ride. Its gotten to the point that whenever I talk to her, she keeps talking about how we are going to the city together. There is one weekend I was going to go, but I nixed the plan since I want to go to the Holiday Party for work. Now, this is the weekend she really wants to go. I told her that I was going for the work party, and she said, "No you're not." Im in the works of creating a little lie. In this case, I'd like to think that lying is better for the friendship. I'm an awful liar, and I hate to lie, so Im going to need a some sort of spritual cleansing right afterwards.

2) There is no way I can learn Algebra and Geometry for the GRE's.

3) There is a fly in my room. The buzzing is like fingernails across the blackboard.

4) My parents have guests over from the motherland who are staying for 4 days. This means I have to pretend that Im in my room studying, and when the guests ask a question I smile and nod. We wouldnt want them to give a negative report back to the fam in the motherland. And by we, I mean my parents.

5)I went to the florist today after work so I could send flowers to my best friend for her birthday tomorrow. The store had just closed just as I got there. So I went to another florist, and that florist also closed 5 minutes before I got there.

6)There is actually a new episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on tonight, which means I will be flipping back and forth from the Real World and Queer Eye.

7)Someone at work told me to have kids before its too late.

8)This is the second time Im writing this post.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

My 'love' life is not much to speak of these days. Although I am proud of myself for meeting 2 menfolk in recent weeks. Woohoo! Go me!

Lets discuss.

I met one guy at Lizzie's wedding which was last week. He's smart, kind, good at emailing, a law student, and enjoys my jabbering.

His minor flaw: He's living in San Diego. The other side of the country. In the happy, sunny place. Ugh.

I met another guy on one of my recent trips to NYC. A nice Jewish boy. He's a med student. What, a Jewish med student in NYC? I kid you not! *Sarcasm* This may sound similar to D'ex (A nice Jewish resident in NYC), but this one is a little different. He's got a wide range of friends, he likes to go out, he's nice, likes to learn about things, he's cute (blond!), he looks cuddly, and he's good at emailing.

Minor flaw: We recently moved up to chatting. We've chatted once. We stopped emailing because we thought we would be chatting and havent caught each other online since.

Although they are good guys, Im playing it cool for the moment. The San Diego guy is probably out of the question, since he is 3000 miles away. Where would we meet up for a date? I dont think so. The NYC guy is a little more accessible, but if we dont have another conversation again, then that would make him out of the running too.

So in India and Hinduism, astrology is a big thing. As we know, my family thinks Im an old haggerella whom no one will marry. My grandmother got my horoscope/stars/chart read over in India. The kind astrologer-man said that my 'bad time' is ending, and I will be married in a year and a half to a guy of my choosing.

All is calm on the homefront....for the moment.

To see something fun, click on this, and watch this blog transform right before your eyes. (Not for innocent eyes, or people who get offended dont say I didnt warn you)

I must thank Alkam for this fun link.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

Yesterday I received a card in the mail from my friends in Colorado. It read:

"Wherever you are, happiness happens."

How come that doesnt hold true once I reach home?

Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The

"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."

The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.

As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Some people have foot in mouth syndrome, where they say things they did not mean to say. Some people have chicken out syndrome, where they cannot say things they are supposed to say. I have both.

I need a recommendation letter for the Masters program of my choice. I know who I want to ask, although Im a little nervous about asking him. I havent told anyone at work about my plans for grad school. Everyone thinks Im applying for a residency. You would think that these people are my parents, since they are so excited at the prospect. Today I went up to this specific Doctor, all ready to ask him for a recommendation letter, and instead I said,"Do we have to draw bloods regularly for the 18 patients?"...I already knew this answer. But I asked it. After asking the wrong question, I could not possibly go back and ask the serious question I needed to ask. Bollocks! I hate myself. Tomorrow will be attempt #2.

This incident reminded me of a time a few years ago when I met a very cute guy. When I get nervous, I tend to over-talk my welcome. He asked me what I had done over the weekend. I gave him a full account of my weekend, inclusive of the numerous games of beer pong I played at a party which resulted in a small bit of drunkeness and the mini-fight I got into with someone who found it apropos to toss a racist comment in my direction. It was only when I saw his change of expression from intent listening to fear and apprehension, I realized I should have shut up 5 minutes prior.

After reminiscing about that incident, I am reminded of a scene from Dirty Dancing. Baby (Jennifer Grey) is at the dance, and she's holding a watermelon. Patrick Swayze struts up to her and says, "What are you doing?" and with a smile she says, "Just holding a watermelon." Patrick says, "Oh ok..." and gives her this look that says, "You're a nut." After he walks a way, she says to herself with exasperation,"Holding a watermelon!"

I have many moments like these. Although at the end of the movie, Jennifer Grey was dancing in bed and all over the campground with Mr.Patrick Swayze himself.

This could possibly mean that there is some light behind my fog of stupidity. I wouldnt want Patrick Swayze behind that fog because now he lives on a ranch and cares for horses, and that kind of life is not for me. I would like to call Bono (U2) for some assistance please.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

I have realized an extremely negative trait about myself. Im not very good at sharing myself.

There is a friend of mine who has asked me to go to NYC with her for her birthday, which is on December 20th. Normally I would go, but thats the same day as the work Christmas party, and I really want to go for that, at least for a couple hours. This same friend is supposed to go to Jamaica after Christmas, but she said that if she doesnt go, she's coming to my birthday party and the same new years event Im going to. I dont mind that she wants to come to my birthday, but the New Years party is not even mine, and she invited herself without a problem. The thought gives me indigestion. Then on the other side, most other people wouldnt care if their friends tag along. I love my other friends meeting each other, but I get nervous for personality clashes.

Then I noticed at work, I dont like to eat lunch with the same people all the time. If I eat with them every day, I get irritated. Sometimes I like to eat by myself. Sometimes I enjoy other peoples company.

I hate routine. I dont understand how people can have the same schedules and do the same things with the same people day in and day out. Perish the thought!

Its not that I dont like any of these people. Its quite the opposite. I think highly of all the aforementioned peeps. I like variety. I like my space. I dont want to confine myself or fall into any routine that would require me to be with the same people at the same place and time.

File me under borderline meanie. I earned it. I have a place saved for me in the world of spinsters.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

I just came back from NYC. The train stations were packed like sardines both going and coming. Except while coming back, the train was packed like too many sardines in one can. This is because everyone has started Christmas/Holdiay shopping in this freezing cold weather. People were wearing their bulky coats, and had more shopping bags and goodies than they could handle. Even though its not that time of year to give out a holiday cheer, the madness has begun.

I went in for the day, very unprepared for the windchill and the enormous about of Christmas decorations. I saw Christmas lights, wreathes, and candy cane stickers in many places. The Christmas Chutzpah has begun.

I live near a house who never takes down their Christmas lights. Although they are up all year, they are lit up only at Christmas. So everyday when I drive by, the lights are in Christmas tree formation. I also live near another house who tastelessly lines every single crevice of their house with lights every holiday season. They could light up a small city with all that electricity.

Do they fail to note that today is the 8th of November? We havent even hit Thanksgiving yet.

Wait. Today is the 8th of November? My birthday is in one month and 20 days. I better send out reminders.

My birthday is near Christmas. Myself along with many other people who have birthdays near Christmas or Hanukkah get SHAFTED. One combined gift. No gift. No one has money to do anything. People are tired. People are away. I'd like to say this is all a load of crap. IF you want people to celebrate your birthday AND Christmas, you best be celebrating both days with me too. I dont care that Im not Christian nor Jewish. I love holidays where there are presents (and food). Dont deny me on my day.

This year, most of my friends are going away on holiday for the Holidays. Thankfully, I have my blessed NYC friends who hardly leave the city, and I will be spending my birthday there. You are more than welcome to join.

My personality is slightly dichotomous. I'll admit it. I blame it on the eclipse.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

I dreamed a little dream of me. Although in the dream, I was in it, and the things that were happening affected me, I couldnt understand it. It was all so uncharateristic.

It was a psycho dream. I was married.

I had a dream about my wedding day.

I hate the thought of getting married. I can see a long term monogamous relationship a la Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, but the whole wedding thing throws me off. Is it a ploy to get gifts that you want? Seriously, why is it so important to have this elaborate ceremony to have God's blessing, and then get sloshed afterwards. There's more than enough people who have had sex before marriage, so if all that is out of the way, whats the big deal concerning "the piece of paper?"

It really baffles me. People spending huge mama loads of money to throw a party. A party where you feed 200 people, get them goody bags, yet hardly talk to them. A party where people come from near and far just to watch this blessed moment. Some people who dont even know you, but your parents have to invite come along, not because they really give a quarter of a shit, but its a social event and everyone will be there.

If I ever do get married to the man I intend to be monogamous with for the rest of my life, I'd rather elope in Barbados. Me, my man, sunset, and a margarita afterwards. Thats all I want. I'd also like a tropical flower in my hair. I'd wear a sundress and flip-flops.

From what I hear, getting married has to do with with the couple, and how its such an important step in ones life, but I dont think one should drive themselves crazy or into debt over it. I have married friends, and I've been to many weddings, but I've never understood the extravagance that is the wedding. Its seems like its more about entertainment than the event. That thought makes me want to vomit. Im sure if I didnt have a big ol' wedding, the only people who would be crushed would be my parents. And I'd pay for their plane tickets to Barbados.

But if I elope, am I still eligible for presents?

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Tag Team back again...

Colorado was awesome. What made it awesome were my friends. Its amazing that we hardly see each other, yet when we're together, you would think we see each other everyday.

We had lots of fun doing things big and small...driving up into the mountains, and shopping at Target.

I reached on Thursday, and I was welcomed by clouds. Luckily I was wearing my red velvet pants, so Gretchie was able to spot me at the airport. We drove home where Jay was waiting, and it was so great to see him. That night we were at home, talking, looking at pictures, and laughing. I was laughing and smiling so much, my cheeks hurt.

Friday we went to Golden, Colorado. Here is where the Coors Brewery is located. At the bottom of the hills. This town was so cool. Like a country western town. We had lunch at this yummy deli, and then went to the brewery. That was cool, especially because we get 3 free samples at the end! By evening, we went into Denver, and walked around 16th Street, which is the main street there. From there, we went out for Indian food. They really wanted to try Indian food while I was there, since I could be their guide. They loved it, and I loved the fact that they loved it.

Saturday, was the holiday parade. Jay is a band teacher at the middle school, so his kids were marching. It was so cool to see what he does, and how he works. All the kids were running up to him going, "Mr K., my button broke!" or "Mr.K, Kristen Miller isnt here yet!" The parade was nice. Gretchie and I cheered for them real loud, in the freezing cold!

Afterwards, we drove up into the mountains. This was one of the most breathtaking rides I've ever been on. We had lots of fun in the car also. Singing and laughing. The mountains were so gorgeous. We all got headaches from the change in altitude, but I did see snowcapped mountains, and thats what I was looking for! I couldnt believe it. It was so beautiful. We went on a short hike, just so I could say I climbed that mountain! (Sort of)

We eventually drove back home, rented the movie Daddy Day Care, which was hysterical, and ate calzones. The fun and laughter continued on and on...

The next morning, we all had breakfast together, and then Jay had to go for a rehearsal. It was awkward to say bye to him, since I had so much fun. But we managed some lame goodbye, and he left. Then Gretchie took me to the airport, and I thanked her profusely for a lovely vacation. I felt sad to leave, but time was up. On the other hand, I was so happy I went.

The whole plane ride home, I thought about them. I was smiling at my memories of the trip, and the wonder that is our friendship.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Im back. Oh yes, Im back.

Shall we talk about how fabulous my trip was?

Fabulous, but not extravagant, yet perfect.

I saw the Rocky Mountains. I had wonderfully good fun with friends. I had 4 days of non-stop happiness.

I'd still be smiling if I wasnt so sleepy.

So good night my pretties. Until tomorrow. (As I will have more energy to expand my thoughts)