Thursday, September 29, 2005

Date of Death of Relationship: 28th September 2005

Estimated Time of Death of Relationship: 9:12pm



He came to my place Tuesday night, and things weren't going so well. Wednesday I was in class all day, and I came home. We ordered a pizza and began talking about the relationship. While we were talking I knew it had to end. At some point I said I didn't want to be together anymore. He asked me to give it another chance, and I said I couldn't. Then he got up from the table and said, "I guess I should go."

I stayed sitting at the table. I didn't know what to do. After 5 minutes I got up to see what was happening. I found him at the entrance of my bedroom leaning against the wall crying uncontrollably. Knowing I had been the cause of his pain, I started crying too. Then I made him sit and he was lying down on the bed, crying and not blinking. He even started twitching. I told him that he couldn't drive tonight and he had to stay. He literally went into a psychotic child-like state repeating over and over that everything will be OK, in a quite child-like voice. I was so scared. I told him he couldn't drive and then he said that there was no way he could stay. He got up and collapsed on his bag just crying. This happened quite a few times. He decided to stay and this morning we went through the same thing. He admitted that things were falling apart with us, although this is the first time he's acknowledged the fact. He was blaming it on distance and I didn't think that was the case. He kept saying, "I'm days away from moving down here." But he's not, and I know it. The hardest part was keeping my ground because I know we were both crying because we had a wonderful relationship in many ways, and for some reason when you break up with someone that's all you can think about. Like right now. He just left. He's taken some of his things and asked me to think about my decision for a couple days. If I feel the same, he will come back for the rest. He said that he will always love me, and we probably cannot be friends, and even if thats true in a relationship, its hard to know that someone will be out of your life forever. Its hard to break up with someone because of drifting apart, or growing in separate directions. Its easier to say, "You were an asshole. Now go." It was so hard to see him leave though, and that he'll probably never be back. And that I've crushed him so much. I feel like an evil person right now. I have to be there for myself now, and I can't immediately call him with a problem or just to tell him something good, or to hear a friendly voice.

I wish it wasn't 2pm right now. Everyone is at work or school and I know all I want is to cry and talk and for someone to tell me I did the right thing. It seemed like the right idea last week. I guess I'll just keep crying til my eyes are a satanic shade of red and I figure everything out. I want him to be happy too.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

My leg and pedicured toes.

Did you know today is HNT? Thats right, Half-Nekkid Thursday. Brought to you courtesy of this blog, which was brought to my attention by this blog which I love.

I never thought I would participate in something called Half-Nekkid Thursday. I always thought it would be the kind of thing that I observe intently and with interest, but this time I couldn't resist. I'm a straight arrow looking to make a change. I'm breaking out like Swing Out Sister.

I present to you, My Right Leg. Shaved and lotioned.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I've done it. I jumped on the Friendster bandwagon.

I've actually had an account for quite sometime. When Friendster was popping up everyone barraged me with joining their little friend group. I was too cool and said no, but set up an account anyway just to end the madness.

This was 2 years ago.

Then one fine day, my friend Peanut in New Jersey called me and mentioned how a mutual acquaintance from college found her on Friendster and invited Peanut to her (the acquaintance's) wedding reception. Peanut then went online and saw all of the acquaintance's friends, who were enemies of ours. So Peanut decided she wouldn't go to the reception since all the 'cukooheads' would be there.

I havent heard from these people in ages (nor do I want to). But my nosy self went online to see whats going on. I saw a lot of them that I hope not to see in person. It was mortifying to know that they were in existance. The most interesting part is that they all talked behind their backs in college. I had a great laugh.

Then I found all these people that I LIKE on Friendster, which I guess is the whole point of Friendster. I now have a mere 17 friends. I may not be the most popular girl on Friendster compared to those with 256 friends, but its kind of nice to know where your friends are.

Besides, the whole school is doing it. I'm cool enough for Friendster now.

Monday, September 12, 2005

There's something in the water because this is the 4th wedding I've been to in 5 weeks.

This wedding was in a beautiful convention center place, although poorly planned. There was a 4 hour break between the wedding and the reception, the speeches were kind of crappy (there were almost 10 speeches), the lighting was bad, and desserts were outside the reception hall so once people exited they didn't come back. But the food was excellent.

I'm chilling with my friends. I was at a table where everyone was married except for me. Everyone was great and I loved seeing my friends. We are all over the place, so we usually meet up at weddings now.

Finally, at one point of the wedding there were people with these huge bowlfuls of party favors. One of the women passing out the party favors came to our table. She asked my friend to the right of me if she was married. She said yes. She got her party favor.

She asked me if I was married. I said no. Then she said, "Then you don't get one."

Jaws dropped all around the table. Now you have to be married to get a party favor?!

This woman came around again, and my friend told her that I didn't get one, and this woman said, I know.

I was angry and upset not because I didnt get a stupid cheap 3 Rupee party favor (that is not soley for married couples), but because it was like this God awful thing that I'm not married. I was shunned.

I went and found my Mommy and told her what happened. She was angry too and its fun to be angry with your mom, because she adds an element that can make you laugh. She said that the wedding isn't that great anyway, the gift is cheap, and I look good.

And of course, as always, she was right.