I am single. (This should come as no surprise to any regular reader of this blog)

It is plainly obvious that I am single. I dont hide it. I also have no significant other to speak of.

Sadly enough, there are people who believe that the lack of my discussion about any significant other in my life from my point of view, means I am hiding someone. Which makes me want to say, "Yes idiot. I have a little iddy biddy someone sitting in the far corner of my back pocket!"

Moving on. These people need an answer as to why I am single. There are 100000 other topics to discuss in life, but the one question that pops out of their mouth is...

"Why are you still single?"

You know what? I dont know. How do you respond to that?

I have figured out different ways to answer this question.

1) I am single, because I am not dating anyone. How's that for luck?

2) Me + Dipshit will eventually equal single anyway.

3) I dont like to share my bed.

4) Because I want to save all the drama for my mama.

5) Boyfriend? No thanks. I'm fabulous enough for two.

6) I know when I'm having a fat day, an ugly day, a crappy day, a bitchy day, a PMS-ridden day, a low serotonin day, or all these days rolled up into one. I dont need a second opinion.

7)If I stay single, someone may adopt me for 10 cents a day. If there are two, the cost goes up.

8)If I dated, I wouldnt be able to take the "Which astrological sign is right for you," the "Are you waiting for Mr.Right to sweep you off your feet," the "Which celebrity is your ideal mate," and lest not forget the "Are you sabotaging your love life" quizzes with the utmost honesty and sincerity.

9) Do you know how hard it is to get TWO tickets for The Lion King?

10) Because I just love hearing this question. Every fucking day.

*********************************************************

As you know I work with many Europeans. I am now learning a bit of Hungarian, a bit of German, with some Italian sprinkled on the side. In order to learn any foreign language properly, you must always learn the bad words and phrases FIRST.

I have found one such resourceful site.

This could also help answer the "Why are you single?" question in a multitude of languages.

Baby Showers. Bridal Showers. Who needs them anyway?!

Not I.

This weekend, me, myself and I made the drive to New Jersey for one of my best friend's baby shower. Granted it was a fun weekend, but it made me wonder the need for all these showers. Pre-parties in celebration of an event which hasnt occured which will follow by celebrations after the event has occured. Celebrations which include horrendous party games which turn a few of the party goers maniacal. (For example, one game which I did not participate in was where people had to try baby food and guess what over-processed flavor it was...mothers, grandmothers, and babysitters alike were shouting, "Let me try! I'll tell you!" or "Hey! Dont let her taste twice, thats not fair!")

I went because to show support for my friend. I also havent seen her since August, and this was the only way our schedules would be in agreement of each other. Actually the main reason I went was because I'm a big baby who knew this would be the last time I get my friend all to myself before she delivers. Then its a whole different ball game.

I love driving long distances blaring music. New York radio stations are awesome. One station had '70's, 80's, and 90's dance music all weekend! I love the part of my drive when I'm approaching New York City and can see the skyline...

Her and I had a late night of chatting on Friday night. The shower was on Saturday, with 100 people in attendance at her house. Even though I love partying and socializing, I feel that some occassions require a group of close friends, and not the whole town and country. So there was a big crowd, all of New Jersey Indians asking me who I was and what I do, and asking my friend's friend why she wasnt married yet. (This line of questioning is routine at every party full of Indians)

There was always a crowd around my friend, so we could barely see her. In the process of trying to catch a glimpse, we nearly suffocated.

I socialized a bit, then wandered around. I took pictures. Then finally my friend escaped the crowd to sit in a chair. We then got to talk some more, until we were just a small group of 5 women chatting.

But all in all the actual party/shower part was a bore and useless. Maybe not completely useless...she got a ton of gifts. People were just sitting around, and I dont think she had the chance to say hi to everyone. Granted, she went along with the shower because her mom wanted her to do so. It didnt seem like a celebration, it seemed more like a party people felt like they had to attend.

I was glad when the majority of the party people left. I played pool against my friend's husband, who lost. (I say he lost because he scratched on the 8 ball) Whomever was left just slumped on the couch, watched tv, and diffused.

Today morning I drove back home. I thought about life for a bit. My drive through New Jersey is always filled with memories, driving through New York is filled with memories. I thought about my friend lots. She will always be my friend. In a couple months, her life is going to change, and indirectly, mine will too. Our conversations will change. I'll be talking about guys, going out, work, and things, and she will be talking about the baby, diapers, and more baby. Instead of having 2-3 hour conversations, they will be drastically shortened. It saddens me a little. I feel like Im at such an odd age where one half of the people I know love to go out and that kind of thing, and the other half is 'settling down' with husbands/wives and preparing to create a loving family and a stable home. Im a part of the former group, and I fully support my counterparts in the latter group.

I know this baby is something that will make my friend happy, which in turn makes the people around her happy because that is how much we love and support her. The baby shower didnt give that thought justice at all. Hopefully when this baby is born, there wont be 100 people around her crib, because as the aunty, I want to have my time to hold her, see all her little features, and let her know how special she is.

Movie Reviews!!

Im really not one to review movies. I dont see movies much. I havent even seen Ghostbusters, yet I drank Hi-C's Ecto Cooler.

This week I've seen 3 movies in 4 days. So I'll go through them, and give my opinion. Sure I could link the movie site so you could find out about them,but I'm sure we're all Google experts. Plus, my opinion is not located on any of those sites. Just this one.

Girl with the Pearl Earring

This movie was ok. There really wasnt too much dialogue, and it was full of symbolism. It was good, but there were some lapses in the story. My mother read the book, so when I came home we had a bit of a discussion. The end of the movie would have been much better if they actually incorporated the complete ending of the book. Knowing how the book ended, made me disappointed in how the movie ended.

The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I enjoyed this movie lots and lots. Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet were awesome! Kate Winslet looked so good! Blue hair, orange hair, flaming red hair...Its a very intricate movie about the mind. It asks the question, if you have a bad memory, would you want to erase it if you could? Or would you keep the memory?...It delves into the psychology of relationships and post-relationships. There were a couple of confusing parts, but thats how these type of movies work. Its kind of like the movie "The Cell", but its done well. I suggest seeing this movie with people you can have a discussion with afterwards. I do NOT suggest seeing this movie with 2 Hungarians who have trouble following the story, and ask you if you only like alternative psycho movies. (The latter suggestion I have donated to save you if this kind of situation arises)

Goodbye, Lenin

This was my favorite movie out of all 3 which I have seen. I just came back from seeing it. It was fantastic!! Its a German movie, so I did a lot of reading tonight (Subtitles).

Its about a Socialist mother and her kids who live in East Germany circa 1989. The mother suffers a heart attack in August of 1989 and lapses into a coma. During this time, the Berlin wall comes down, Germany is united as one country, and life is completely different. She wakes up 8 months later, and the doctor tells the son if she ends up in a situation where she is excited too much, she could die. So the son does everything to protect her from finding out that there is no more East Germany. I laughed, I cried (well, I didnt cry, but I felt sad), and I learned a little bit of history. Its a touching and poignant film. I highly suggest seeing this movie with a Hungarian who has lived in Berlin for 2 years and can point out a bunch of sites, and tell you things which are not translated or expanded historically in the movie. (the Hungarian should also bring the Italians and New Zealanders along for the flick, because the more the merrier!)

Then you should go straight home, blog about the experience and go to bed. Especially if you havent slept before 1 am since last Thursday night.

I had an awesome jam-packed weekend. I went to 4 parties in 2 days.

I shall enumerate.

I. Friday Night

a) Party #1-- A-congratulations-on-your-new-job party for one of the nurses at work, thrown by his boyfriend at the local gay bar.

My Summary:

There is no way you cannot have fun at a party with a penis shaped cake. If you can find a way, dont contact me.


b) Party #2--A Congratulations-on-getting-a-residency dinner at a local seafood place for my squash buddy. This place had cool live music.

Longer Summary: I get there a little late, as I was going from Party 1 to Party 2 which are 20 minutes drive from each other. I find the table filled with people. I recognized a few people from the lab with their husbands/wives/friends. I was the only American. There were 3 Hungarians, 1 New Zealander, 2 Polish, 5 Italians (4 whom didnt know any English), and 1 German. I LOVE an International Crowd.

When I got there, the cute Italian men came up to me and gave me a kiss on each cheek and said, "Nice to meet you" in Italian. Then the band started playing "Brickhouse" by James Brown, and the Italians started cheering, "James Brown! Yah!" They were so cute. Then I was talking to the Polish girl who was as sweet as pie. We exchanged number. You got that? I got a number! heh heh.

After eating, we all boogied on the dance floor. I was dancing with Massimo for a while, then the whole group came in. It was fun dancing. We were laughing and laughing.

What I learned from this night: If my guy situation gets any worse, I'm going to Italy to find one.

Did I mention that I actually took the time to get ready? I put on makeup like eye shadow, and I even used the curling iron to add a few ringlets to my hair? Oh yes I did!

II. Saturday Night

a) Party #1-- Surprise 28th Birthday Party for my friend R whom I've known since the 8th Grade. Given by her hubby.

Summary: I get there, and I'm the only single person there. Everyone knew each other from work, so my friend L and I were hanging around each other. I had to leave by 8:30pm, so I was hoping R would get to the party by then.

Thankfully she did. I havent seen her for 2 years, and she kept hugging me with a smile so genuine, it made me feel on cloud 10. Her mom was also there, and I was so happy to see her too. They were very very good to me during my kid years. We caught up as much as we could in the span of 15 minutes. Me, R, and L are planning to get together for dinner to catch up. Like the good ol' days. Thank God for E-mail!

Party #2-- My friend Christin from work invited me to go out with her and her friends who came down for the weekend. No special occasion.

Summary: Crazy crazy ladies night! They were all pretty nice, but as I got there at 9pm, there wasnt too much time to get to know them before going out. We started dancing at the apartment.. Christin was teaching me some Latin moves.

I love to dance. I dont consider myself a great dancer, but I've got rhythm.

Christin and her friends were all on a dance team together. They have moves, grooves, shakes, and acrobatics.

We all drank, and did a few shots of vodka before leaving. We took a cab to the club. We got there and walked right to the dance floor and started shakin' some ass! We were 5 girls just having fun. Christin was doing some pretty sexual movements to the point guys just stopped and watched her. She also stood on a stair and danced. Then she propped her feet on the railing of this stair, put her hands on the opposite railing and pumped herself up and down...Prudish me was like, "Oh Hell No. Even if I could do that, I wouldnt!"

We danced and danced, till our legs fell off. Then we went back to Christin's. Chilled out and talked, which was really nice. I dont think I made any new friends, but I had fun all the same...letting my hair down and cutting loose.

Then I thought about it, and if Christin invited me along with her best friends from college, that really says something about what she thinks of me. So I felt pretty good.

SUNDAY:

After I got home last night, me and my sweaty self, with the gel still in my hair plopped to bed. I woke up feeling slightly hungover and disgusted with myself, so I changed my sheets immediately.

It was a quiet day. I saw "The Girl with the Pearl Earring," and hung out with my best friend.

I have a few muscle pains and strains. Tomorrow Im going to play squash and see "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."

Its not so bad. I suppose I should tonight I should catch up on sleep so I dont fall asleep on the squash court.

Nothing of extreme interest has gone on lately. Although tomorrow Im going to a going away party for one of the nurses who got a new job, who's boyfriend is throwing the party for him at the local gay bar. (I think there is only one in my area!) Saturday, I've been invited to 2 parties, and I will attempt to attend both.

So I leave you with this little question-answer thing. (I think they are called Meme, but if you pronouce it in your head like I pronouce it in my head--"memmay"--I think that means Grandmother in French. If you say MeeMee, it makes it sound like an annoying bird. And I think it is a way of saying Grandmother in Italian.

I present to you, the ever so sexy, THURSDAY THREESOME!!!

Onesome- Choreography: What do you choreograph in your life? Your morning routine? The dinner ritual? How you study?

I used to be extremely systematic. I still am to a certain extent, but I do let things happen a little mroe freely. My morning routine is like clockwork. Alarm goes off, (which is set to the radio as I am a very light sleeper, and I would much rather wake up to a song or talk radio than that annoying buzzer). I get up, go down to make my breakfast (usually a waffle). Drink a glass of milk and a glass of water. Go upstairs, brush my teeth (I like to have clean teeth before going out anywhere, which is why I brush my teeth after I eat), do my bathroom duties, shower, get ready. My makeup routine is lipstick/gloss. I then go downstairs, put my shoes on, grab my coat and head out the door. Not too exciting, eh? This whole process takes about 45 minutes max.



Twosome- The art of symbolically: Art? Hmmmm... Sure, what do you like to have? ...or do you? ...but how about that little symbol you keep on your desk or headboard? The one you keep because??? I mean, if you can share that...

More so than art, I love photography. I have quite a few photographs of NYC bought from vendors at the street fairs in NYC. I like the artistry of photography, and how life is captured. I do like Indian art as well...batiks, sandalwood carvings, and things of that sort. I like paintings with bold colors. My friend bought some paintings in Cuba, all with bold, bright colors. I hope when I go to Miami, I'll be lucky enough to find some colorful ones. I have no artistic talent whatsoever. Please do not ask me to draw a straight line with a ruler.


Threesome- representing dancing: No, not 'do you dance?' (although that's fine too!); rather, which type(s) of dancing will you stop and watch for a moment? Ballroom? Swing? Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey?

Oh yeah baby, I dance. I love to dance. I dont have any special moves, but I have fun (with an element of cuteness involved).
I like to watch some ballroom dancing, because I could never be so graceful. A great step-show will catch my eye. In NYC, on the streets in the summertime, there will be kids doing these choreographed dance to funky beats. I like to watch breakdancing as well. (A-la Alfonso Riberio on Silver Spoons) Indian dances are pretty cool too. Great beats, graceful movements, and colorful costumes.

************************************************************

Thats the end of the Threesome!

Dear Mother Earth:

The next time I slip and fall in front of Cute CompuTechie, and a whole mess of other people, please open up and swallow me whole immediately.

And if you have no intention of doing that, at least provide some warm, sunny weather for fuck's sake.

Thank You.

Divinely Yours:

Dr.Philomena

The small things in my day which I savored:

1) This morning, I noticed my MAC lipgloss had some shimmer to it.
2)I had a good hair day.
3)I got the majority of my work done.
4)When I found out that some spreadsheets I had saved on a disk were completely gone, instead of banging my head on a table, crying, or swearing, I went to the vending machine and bought myself the yummiest packet of M&M's in the world.
5)One of the guys asked me what I did this weekend. I said nothing, and he said, "You didnt go on a date? I cant believe you dont have guys banging down your door!"
6)Talked to my mother for more than 5 minutes today.
7)Went to cardio kickboxing at this karate place. It was awesome. We got to use the shields and paddles (kicking the shields and aiming for the paddles!)
7)It was snowing when I left. (9pm) When I got home, I stood out in my driveway. There wasnt a sound and the snow was silently floating down.
8)I got inside the house, and saw my hair looked shimmery because of the snow that fell on my head. (I like shiny, shimmery things...diamondesque!)

Tomorrow I hope to wake up to a bodacious booty, and 6-pack abs. It wouldnt hurt if Jude Law was in my room also.

Ok, that may not happen. Although, I would really savor that moment.

I'm crazy. Need guidance. So I sought some.

I'm not very close to my brother, so I called on my brother-in-command. He lives in West Virginia, and he's 1 year older than my real brother. He's very good at his brotherly duties. I dont actually like to seek advice too much, but I'm worried about things that I cant control to the point that even the little things are driving me nuts. I didnt want a 'friend,' I wanted someone with some years to offer me wisdomly advice. Or even offer up a little comfort that you can only get from an older brother or sister. I cant explain the feeling. Maybe its because I feel like such a kid right now.

After that I felt much better.

Being home alone felt good too.

A little bit of silence.

No one talking in my ear. No background noise. Just silence.

Then I put in my Amelie DVD.

Now thats a great movie! I loved it. It was so nice, and I loved Amelie herself. She was so smart, cute and pure in the heart. Its has Dr.P's seal of approval.

So this week I'm going to try to straighten myself out. Again.

It cant be too bad. At least my life is better than Martha Stewart's.

I love THE GODFATHER. Its such a classic movie. I want to be an American hiding in Sicily.

Amelie is on deck.

Then I'm going to clean my room, because Oprah says that too much clutter in the home is a reflection of your life. Well, thats not the only reason I'm going to clean it. Its a gosh darn mess.

I normally dont blog on Saturday's because I believe even bloggers deserve a holiday. My head is full and I need to empty it out a bit.

PKRK is the only love I've ever had in my life, and he's the reason I know love is real. He's from England, and he and I were both in India at the same time. We dated for a year and a half. He then dumped me since I was not the same caste as he was. (He knew this beforehand) I was heartbroken. We were apart for a year and a half and then decided to try again. After 8 months we broke up (again) because he couldnt handle the fact I had dated someone else (who he hated) after we split the first time. Evil words were exchanged, and after that slugfest there was no way to keep the issues out.

So the clean split was June of 2001. We didnt speak for 4 months. I was in the U.S. and he was in India. Just before I was going back to India in September, he sent me an email asking why he hadnt heard from me, etc. So when I went back to India, we met up (we couldnt avoid it, we had too many mutual friends). We had a few fights, until finally one night for about 5 hours in the dark we sat and talked. No holds barred. We hashed it all out. Once we understood each other, we decided to be friends.

He's back in England now, and we talk once in a while. He knows me so well. He's the only person who knows what Im thinking when Im having the thought. He knows how I'll react to things. It freaked me out that he knew me inside and out. I know him just as well, so when he needs an honest opinion he calls me.

I havent talked to him in 2 months, and today he happened to be online. He tells me he needs my opinion on something. He's asking me about bits of his personality, and then he tells me he went to India for a week. I jokingly asked him if he got married, and he said, "No, but..."

The "BUT" was that he met a couple girls to get married to, and there is one he likes. I dont have feelings for him, but somehow I felt sad. I was thankful he told me online. There I was guiding him about what to say, not to be so critical, and just relax. I know I've moved on from him, but I guess the prospect of him getting married is a strange one. He was once going to marry me. I want him to be happy, but its weird because when we were talking about these girls, and how he acts with them, I have to remember the time when we were dating, and provide him answers from that. Its a place I locked off a long time ago.

Afterwards I went upstairs, and saw some mail for me. It was an invitation to my friends baby shower. I know all about this shower, I knew I was going from the moment she told me.Its like life is flowing all around me, but I've missed something. The timing of it made me wonder, have I missed the boat? Or is my ship just a little slower to reach the port I'm on?

I'm still in pain from my squash match.

Squash.

Squash Squash Squash.

BLOG is also a fun word to say.

Blog blog blog. Bloggedy Blog.

SQUASH.

Ok, if you couldnt tell, I'm losing my mind. I'm trying to file my taxes by myself, and I think I'm doing everything correctly. I'm pretty sure the kind government will let me know if I messed up.

This post is a conglomerate of thoughts.

Because I need fixin'. I'm better, but I'm stressed, and if left alone long enough, I can make myself crazy.

Sometimes I wish I was born normal. I see people and I think, "Wow. It must be nice to be normal. It must be nice to have a life where things work out so smoothly and you can think clearly."

Then I think, "Whats the point? I wouldnt be me if I were normal. I would make a bad normal."

Someone called me 'picky' this weekend. I never thought I was. But I brought this up to someone else and they said I am very picky. This is a complete epiphany to me. I'm surprised that this was never brought up earlier in my life.

I'm participating in a Walk-a-Thon. I have a team with 2 other gals. I've raised $25 so far. Go me!

Sometimes my phone rings at work and all I want to do is rip it out of the jack, throw it on the ground and stomp on it. Sometimes I secretly put it on call forward so all my calls go into voice mail and I can deal with the calls when I'm good and ready.

I walk by the building I hope to be studying in every single day. I've done everything I could from my end. Everytime I see this building, I say a little prayer for me hoping the admissions person who is responisble for accepting students and writing acceptance letters writes one for me. I also say a little prayer for the person who is responsible for rejection letters that he/she will never ever see my name on the 'rejection' list. I hate that list. I seem to be on it for a lot of things.

Today in the clinic I laughed a lot.

The sun was shining on me today.

HI!

This weekend was so beautiful. The sun was shining! I went to NYC, and had a nice time. I met my cousin for lunch, and we had Malaysian food at Penang at 71st and Columbus. It was soooooooooooooo yummy! Then we walked around Central Park, where there was loads of eye candy. (Let me tell you, I was NOT short of eye candy this weekend!) Afterwards we walked through the Time Warner Mall which is huge and delicious.

I wont really go in detail about the weekend. It was nice to be with friends. I went to a party, and then my friend and I went to S.R.O. afterwards, and went home. Sunday I went to Union Square (near where I used to live). I walked by myself. I ended up at the East Village, looking at the dogs in the dog park (in Tompkins Square park). Then I moved along and walked some more, til I got starved, and got a pizza at the Po' Boys Pizza in the West Village. At that point, my friend called me and we decided to meet up. So I walked back to Union Square, with The Economist in hand, and sat on the steps in the sun, reading, and occasionally looking up to people watch.

So my friend came, and ran into his friends as he was exiting the subway, right in front of the Virgin Record Store. THey were all going to the Museum of Sex. I really wanted to go, but my friend was in an off mood so we didnt go. (Which meant I couldnt get to know his cute Turkish friend) So we walked some more...Prince Street, Mulberry Street, SoHo... then finally I had to go home.

I was very happy walking around. I love it. The Sun, People, Activity! Walking helps me clear my head, and I think I finally found out why I've been in a foul mood.

I havent been donating time for myself.

Its a weird thing to admit, because its not something I think about. My weekend was going out with my friends who already had places to go. I felt a little like a tagalong, even though they didnt feel that way about me. I have places I want to see and try out too. When I was walking through the East Village, it came to me like lightning. I think I do put myself first sometimes, but maybe not enough? Just saying it makes me feel so selfish. The funny thing is, Im not sure what to do about it. Im doing so many things for myself and my future that I get gray hair worrying about it. I dont understand why I need more time for myself.

Right now I feel great. I played squash for the first time with one of the Hungarian guys in the lab. I have muscle pain everywhere! I feel great though. Maybe some toxins got released from my body. Maybe its because I relieved stress by hitting a little ball. Maybe its because when I asked my Hungarian friend what CD was playing, he called it Early Joy...then he described what he was talking about...and what he meant to say was "Premature Ejaculation." Having someone trying to figure out in English what the actual word is is the most hilarious thing in the world. (Im very sensitive to those perfecting their English in the U.S., but this honestly had me gripping for my sides)

Maybe there's a slight chance I'll be Ok.