Friday, January 16, 2004

**This post may be filled with some swear words used singly and in combination. Possibly some spelling mistakes as well, but thats what happens after drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade after a bad day.

2004 has been rather shitty to say the least. Let me enumerate the crap that has happened in the past 16 days of the new year.

*Car gets hit
*Weight Gain
*Garage Door opener is broken which results in me having to ring my own doorbell to get in the house, therefore having to engage in parental conversation the moment I walk in. (Yes Im getting a key made)
*Mom recovering from surgery, so she is awake and in full effect by 6am, and feels the need to ask me 100 questions while I have my 2 minute breakfast.
*A friendship ended.
*Im getting emails about my high school reunion, and I've seen more names from high school in my inbox than I care to remember.
*I got my 2 week notice today.

Yes its true. I have to leave my job. Its not because I did anything wrong, but it has to do with my contract. Im being paid by the grant which runs the trial, and the university I work for kept me on a temporary basis because of this. All temps can work for a maximum of 6 months. I've worked there for 7 months. It really was the worst news I've received in a long time. Not just because I wont have a job after February 1st, but I love my job. I left work early today, and I was thinking about all the people I wont see everyday, and I was also wondering how to tell people without making it a big deal. Do I leave quietly or do I have to give big hugs and long goodbyes? Whatever the case is, these next two weeks are going to suck bigtime. Fuckity Fuck Fuck.

I've already begun the job search, and I saw a couple things that sparked my interest within the University I work for along the same lines I am doing now. I guess on Tuesday (Monday is a holiday) Im going to submit my resume, have my boss give me a recommendation, and keep my fingers crossed. If all else fails, I can work at the H&M in the mall and get discounts on clothes. Yeah. Nah. Im trying to see the silver lining around the cloud, or the light at the end of the tunnel, or the opportunity that is knocking. Im so convinced that there is something bigger waiting for me, I spend half my time creating optomism for myself. Im such a shithead. I feel like one. I dont know why. I didnt do anything wrong. I wonder who is going to do my job though. Oh well. Its not my fucking job to train the next person now is it?

So I was feeling pretty low. Low enough that I didnt go into NYC for my friends birthday and now I feel like even more of a bitch because I couldnt put my glorious gloom aside for a friends birthday. One who was kind enough to spend my birthday with me. Im going in tomorrow armed with ingredients to bake a cheesecake, a bottle of Bacardi, and some Tandoori chicken. To believe Im going to share all of that. I should have had that tonight. No, No, the friends deserve it. Im hoping after washing my hair with my new Paul Mitchell shampoo, I'll have a kick in my step.

Who am I kidding? Paul Mitchell cant do nothing for me. (Hey! Look at me! I speak-a English!) This requires a visit to my gay and glamorous hairdresser for a new haircut, haircolor and an injection of self esteem. Possibly a new outifit too. I may be jobless, (and broke after trying to raise my self esteem) but that is no excuse to look that way.

All I want is a fucking hug and I cant seem to find that either. Screw the hug, I'd like some luck of the good positive kind. What if I kiss the Blarney Stone? Would that help?

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