Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Snow day! Holla!

Actually I woke up this morning and it was snowing buckets, so I called work and said I wasnt coming. I stayed in, finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo (I highly recommend this book), and now Im putzing around. Thumbs up!

The other day I went to my friend A.M.'s place. She lives with her boyfriend R.C. whom we've all known since high school. So like my other friends from the high school days, she is saying, "I'll go to the reuinion if you go." Then I figured it would be more fun there was a profile of everyone in our class before going to the reunion. This would provide the necessary data of a picture ID, how much weight they have gained, job status, and marital status.

Then A.M. told me how J.F was throwing a bday party for her hubby. Let me backtrack for a sec. All these letters Im mentioning are people I grew up with. Myself, A.M. and J.F. have been friends since we were 10. Then by high school, there were 5 boys came along and we were all one big group. We were all in J.F.s wedding.In 2001, there was a falling out with one of them as he messed around with a girlfriend of the one of the other guys. By December 2001, I had dated one of the friends (M.P.) very briefly, we broke up (which he felt bad about), we had a discussion about how the outside world felt about 9/11 (since I was out of the country, I was dealing with the Anti-American backlash), and somehow stopped talking to me.

Back to the topic at hand. So A.M. told me about J.F.'s hubby's bday party. I wasnt invited, and M.P. was, and Im figuring thats why I wasnt invited. A.M., J.F., and I went out for lunch at the end of December, and I knew J.F. and I were growing apart. Everything was nice, but conversation between her and I flowed differently. She told us to save the date of the birthday party. Then when A.M. told me about the party and who was going, I somehow felt really bad. I even regretted my time with M.P. as I lost a great friend because of it. I actually always regretted that. For some reason, after hearing about the bday party, I felt the loss of friendship. I have a lot of friends, and Im very lucky, but the loss of dynamic and solidarity made me sad.

I dont want to go to the reunion and see all the friendships that fizzled once everyone went to college. I dont want to hear the fake, "I'll call you!" when it probably wont happen. Or maybe I should stop looking at the negatives and find the positives. I'm a lot smarter now, I know I can handle myself.

Today Im going to live in the present. Do what I feel. And I feel hungry.

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