95% of the time, you can put me in a social situation and Im good to go. Although there is that small percentage where I do feel uncomfortable.
Usually its not completely because of me (in my opinion). That 5% where I end up feeling nauseaus in a social situation is when everyone has come with someone, or knows someone else at a party or place. They talk amongst themselves, and even when I try to join in, there is no way I will ever be part of that little circle, even for the night. I hate standing on the outside and looking in. I really hate it when no one invites you into their circle, even if its just for the night. In the event that this situation arises, I find the other outsiders and we make our own circle.
On Sunday, I went to a friends surprise birthday party. She and I have been friends since childhood. 4 other of her close family friends from Boston were there, 2 of her friends from college (with their significant others), and her boyfriend. The 4 Bostonians hang out and talk to each other because they have their inside jokes, and know each other in and out, so an outsider would not understand. The 2 college friends hadnt seen each other in ages, so they were gabbing away. The significant others were gabbing away. The birthday girl and her boyfriend were gabbing away. I was mute and feeling stupid.
In an attempt to break up the little cliques that formed (because the cliques were hindering her socializing, as she had to go from person to person in different conversation mode), we played Cranium and then we played Taboo. I love any type of board game, and these were awesomely fun. (Dr.P tested, Dr.P approved)
The main problem was choosing teams. The Bostonians wanted to be a team, then the College Buddies wanted to be a team, and I didnt put in a request for any team. Quite frankly, I wanted to go home. The birthday girl made the teams and broke the cliques up.
So once the games were over, I figured I would leave. I tell Birthday Girl and Birthday Girl's boyfriend that Im going to go. They say I cant leave, and I finally end up talking to them for a half an hour. (Birthday Girl was home from San Francisco for the weekend, and I basically went to the birthday party to see her!) This was my favorite part of the night, and I felt like my normal self--happy to be at a party, socializing, and silently bemoaning, yet extremely envious of the couples around the house. I still wanted to leave.
Instead, I sucked up my pride, and stayed a little while longer, as the "I have to work tomorrow" excuse didnt get very far. My level of enjoyment did not increase at all. Next time, Im going to say "I have go home and take my medication."