Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Grad School is interesting...

When I tell people where I go to school, they react quite approvingly thinking we're all superintelligent and philosophize all day long.

This is not the case.

I never thought I would be in grad school asking the person next to me what they got for #9. day in class, I didnt collect the handout in the beginning of class. I sat in between my two friends, and CP offered her handout so I could look on.

So as the lecture was going on my friend DC, who was on the other side of me asked me, "Why arent you looking at mine?"

I said that I was looking at CP's, and I'd look at his too. Then CP said, "Dr.P is my friend."

DC says, "No, she's my friend!"

CP: "She's in my division!"

DC: "She likes me better than you!"

CP: "I knew her longer!"

DC: "Well I have a penis!"

After this, a bunch of people in front of us turned around and I tried to hide behind my hair.

Grad school. Its really for anybody.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

I had a rough week last week. I was really down, even my roommate was concerned. The thing was, I could pinpoint exactly what was bothering me. I just didnt know how to come out of my funk.

I knew I wanted something from someone. I wanted help. I didnt know how to get it, and who to get it from. I wanted to hear what I needed to hear. Although I myself couldnt define what that was.

Throughout the course of the week, I was given different kinds of advice from various advisors:

1) Advice from a budding psychologist who analyzed why I was behaving the way I was, and what I need to do to change.

This didnt work.

2) Motherly advice (not from my mom, but from a friend who spoke to me with a motherly tone)--This advice was filled with support, with a sprinkle of advice, and a side of what necessary things I need to do to make myself better.

This didnt work either.

3) The Fragile advisor-- Who spoke to me like I was going to break, and like they would break if I didnt feel better.

If you know me at all, this is NOT the way to talk to me when I'm down.

4) Random advisor who asked me if I was ok and to keep my head up.

5) The Dr.Phil-in-your-face-advisor--Oh you're having trouble with that?!...well, how's that working for you?!

The winner:

My friend in class who is a 2nd year student. She spoke to me like a normal person, giving me advice from a person who understands even just a little. I didnt think I would find what I needed to hear, but she was so honest and sincere and gave me the wisdom I needed to pick myself up. The best part was I didnt even have to go in depth of why I was frustrated.

I guess you cant always count on the same people to give you advice all the time. You cant guarantee that they will tell you what you need to hear. Sometimes cliche is not what I want. Logically its easy to tell yourself some cliches. I'm usually good at picking myself up. I couldnt do it this week. I knew I needed help. I didnt know what to say or who to say it to. I didnt know who to reveal myself to. I didnt want to reveal myself. But with my 2nd year friend, I didnt have to. I said one sentence. I didnt even expect to open myself up in any way, but the words started flowing.

There are times when it takes a different kind of person to tell you the words you need to hear. Even if its someone who doesnt know me that well. She was someone who read into me or something. I dont know what it was. I'm glad the words clicked in my head. I'm thankful.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Ok, I should be in stats class. But Im not. I never use my notes when I do homework anyway. I use the book.

Midterm week is coming up. I could have sworn I just started school.

In light of that, I tried to give myself a semi-relaxing weekend. I wanted to do something that required being outside since the temperature is going down, so I proposed we go to Mystic Seaport.

Mystic is a cute, New England shoreline town. Mystic Seaport has all the old boats and you can go through them. The area has all these historical artifacts, they have an old schoolhouse, a tavern, old houses, and in some of these places they re-enact how life was conducted back then. We went into the little church, and there was a tape of a sermon going on. We were the only people in the church, so I gave him a little kiss. Then I had to celebrate. I kissed a boy in a church! In the middle of a sermon!! I'm so bad...heh heh.

Afterwards we went to Mystic Pizza, where the movie Mystic Pizza was filmed. Pizza was yum. Then we went for ice cream by the drawbridge. We walked around and talked for a bit. While we were talking, I realized why I'm happy with him. We're not just dating, we have a friendship too. That's made all the difference.

As we were walking back to the car, we saw the drawbridge go up, and the boat go through. I've never seen one before, so it was fun.

Then on Sunday, I went to my best friends sister's wedding. My first Muslim wedding. It was lots of fun. The only part I felt bad about is that I had met one of sister's friends at a pre-wedding dinner (actually, sister's hubby converted to Islam in August, and there was a dinner for that). He came up to me and said, "Hi Dr.P! I saw you when you came in and wanted to say hi!" Too bad I couldnt say hello back, because I completely blanked on his name. I tried all these tactics to make him say his name, but he didnt comply. Finally my best friend walked over to say hi, and I stood next to her and slyly asked her.

Today I woke up cranky. Im mad at school. Thats such a whiny thing to say. Its just tough. I have the ability to do well in school with a LOT of hard work. I dont have that natural ability. So I'm getting frustrated since Im doing all the work (and then some), but not getting the grades I want. I hate writing assigments since they are subjective. I hate math assignments because I suck at them. Im mad that Im not motivated to go to class today. That should be motivation in itself. People say that it doesnt matter since we dont get letter grades, just a Fail, Pass, High Pass and Honors. I want the satisfaction of knowing that I know what Im doing.

Of oourse I've joined a journal club, advertising at an auction to benefit homeless shelters, and a group dance performance. I work 2 days a week, and I've squeezed in doctors appointments. I suppose slowing down is an option. I didnt have all these choices when I was in school in India, so I want to take them while I can.

I feel a bit better now. My vitamin must be kicking in. I think I can make it to and through my next class.