Monday, June 28, 2004

Im heading off to Southern California in 48 hours! Wait. No. 37 hours?

But who's counting?

Yet again, Im procrastinating this whole packing thing. I dont know what to bring. In Los Angeles, its sunny and 80, and in San Diego its 10 degrees cooler.

I'm bringing 5 pairs of shoes, 3 pairs of jeans, a pair of black pants, a pair of beige pants, my linen pants, a jean skirt, khaki colored skirt, tan shorts, jean shorts, my sporty shorts, cargo pants, green capris, black capris and a variety of shirts to go with each bottom.

I know I'm only going for 6 days, and I hear California is great for shopping, but what if there is an emergency party and no time to shop? I need to dress for the occasion.

My curling iron. I havent used it since March, but I may have the urge to use it. Toiletries?...check. Perfume?...check. Should I burn a CD? That could be important. Good music. A beach towel? Socks?

I would have been much better off packing things in a box and shipping it out there a week ago. At least that way, I'd have some room in my suitcase.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Sometimes I wish someone could read my mind and tell me whats wrong with me.

**Addendum**...I sat around last night, wondering why I was in a funk. I really dont have anything to feel bad about. This is the best things have been in a long time. Then I found out my friend in NYC was in the same melancholy funk, and this morning I read that Pua is in the same type of irrepressible funk. Last night I was assured that I do not need Zoloft and that I just need a little pick-me-up for whatever reason.

I'm heading to NYC for the day.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Last night I experienced something I thought I would never experience.

There is a mouse in my house. An ugly mouse.

This is not a lame attempt at Dr.Seuss. There is a little, unwanted, MF*-in mouse in my house. I saw it and ran away. I dont know what's become of it. This mouse has caused me to tiptoe around my own (parents) house.

My parents are enjoying seeing me in this vulnerable state.

I want someone to tell me the mouse either ran away, or got attacked. If this doesnt happen, I will be forced to run away.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Dreams scare me. Good and bad.

Sometimes they seem so real. Within the past 2 weeks, I have had 4 dreams where I have woken up in a complete state of disorientation. Mainly because each dream has involved someone I havent seen in recent months.

I wake up a bit freaked out. I wonder why they are in my head. Is it a sign? Will I see them soon? Should I call them?

Its the whole reality of the dream. I know they are real people who exist. I am myself in my own dream, with my feelings and thoughts. Then when I wake up, everything is gone. My feelings, the people, and the moment.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Yesterday, I realized how selfish I can be.

My friend became a new apartment owner last week. She plans on having a Housewarming party, so she registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

At first I was excited to use that gun-bar-code-scanner. After a little bit, I got tired. Then bored. There were decisions being made about garbage cans, spoons, measuring cups, ice cream scoops, and most important, the George Foreman Grill. It got a little taxing.

That night I spoke with Cali Law Student Boy and I told him how tired I got making this registry. I told him I can't get married because I don't even have the patience to register. He said, "Well, it may be different when you get married because you'll have someone to help you out."

My response, "Yeah, my mother could do it for me."

Cali Law Student Boy then stuttered, "Uh...yeah...well...that's not exactly the kind of help I was referring to."

Me, in complete embarASSment, "Oh, you mean a hubby husband like person?"

Cali Law Student Boy (recovering from shock I presume), "Yeah."

My brain (and quite possibly my soul) were not constructed to share life with anyone.
I'm watching the top 51 Greatest Smartasses on Comedy Central. My mother just walked in and asked why I wasn't on the list. Do you think she's trying to tell me something?

Saturday, June 19, 2004

I wore a sari to the Gala.

Sometimes I love wearing a sari when I know everyone else will be in a dress. Its different, its fancy enough and Im quite comfortable in it.

People are always curious on how its worn. Its basically one long piece of fabric. Once you get used to it, its not so bad.

In a way, it feels good to wear it, because its not only a piece of clothing for me, I'm showing a part of my culture and who I am. I'm not shy about that.

Receiving compliments such as, "You look like royalty" and "You look fabulous!" for a good portion of the night isnt so bad either. :)

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

I hate shopping.

I should amend that. I hate shopping for one specific thing. When I actually have a goal in mind, forget about finding what I want. Murphy's law once again bites me in the ass.

On Monday, I was invited to a Gala sponsored by work. They are starting a new Ovarian Cancer Detection Screening Program, so this Gala is the kick off for it, as well as a fund raiser.

This is a big deal. Those of us who work there have a free table. Others are paying anywhere from $250--$10,000 for a table.

I obviously cannot wear jeans to this affair.

So I went dress shopping yesterday. My size gets snatched up rather quickly. Either that or they just don't make dresses in my size.

I tried on about 6 or 7 dresses and got fed up. I didnt find anything. I'll try a different mall today. If nothing works out, I'll just wear a sari, because I dont want to pay for a dress I wont wear again. Let me tell you, this whole shopping-for-a-dress-garbage is one reason I refused to go to my junior Prom or any Homecoming.

I did find something that I quite liked...a Milk Chocolate Chip Cookie from Mrs.Fields. That fit perfectly.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Im tired. I need to stop thinking.

This weekend, I had a wonderful time at a wedding in DC. DC is a nice city. Its no NYC, but its still beautiful and rich in history. There is a strong chance that after grad school, I'll end up in the DC area, since there are lots of job offerings in my field out there.

I stayed with one of my cousins, his wife and his 2 year old daughter. This cousin and I were never particularly close growing up. He was and still is quite the intellecutal, and I was always the goofy one. We never had much in common.

Now, we can talk until the cows come home. I look at him, his family, and his beautiful home. A part of me wants that, but I dont want it now. I wonder if its ok not to want it now.

My cousins wife is from our caste and community. She also grew up in the U.S., and neither her nor my cousin speak our language. They dont really observe any of our holidays either. They eat Indian food when they go to their parents house, and they raise their daughter as any typical 2nd/3rd generation would.

Fast forward to the wedding. Another set of cousins of mine were invited to this wedding also, and we were all at the same table. I have one cousin who has been dating a Polish guy for 3 years, wants to marry him and buy a house with him. Once she makes that move, her parents will disown her. My cousins and myself made a pact that if we get disowned for any reason, we will still support each other. Whether we listen to family or our hearts, it seems like there will be some sort of sacrifice.

Time goes by so fast. Sometimes I wish there were more free hours in the day, or more days in the weekend to just relax, to visit people, and even clean a little bit. I like to squeeze so much in because there isnt always a chance to do what you want to do and see who you want to see.

In a couple months, I begin grad school. I feel like the next 2 years of my life will offer so much of many things, especially change. I dont know where I'll end up, what I'll be doing, and who will be by my side.

I hope I dont let any oppotunities pass me by.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Recently I got an invite for my 10 year high school reunion. I'm still on the fence if I want to go or not.

My high school experience was rather ordinary. I still talk to a lot of friends from high school. I feel like I keep in touch with who I want in my life.

Part of me feels that I am such a different person than I was back then. I'm much more assertive. I was so passive in high school, I shudder at the thought.

There are a couple people I'd rather not see again. I have issues with seeing people who I was once so close with after a long time. Then you see them again, and its a weird feeling of foreigness. I ran into a friend at Pier 1 a month ago. We used to do everything together. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. After she got married, she stopped calling and inviting me to her place. You could say we grew apart, but I feel like she tuned me out of her life. When we saw each other, we said hi, and had formal conversation. It was so awkward. I dont want to have to experience that for an entire night. Will I even talk to the people I never talked to in high school? Its just so strange.

I dont want it to be a night of "Who's more successful/beautiful/richer" type thing. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

I AM curious as to what others are doing. One friend brought up the point that its just one night, and if I hate it, I never have to go back.

Seeing all of those names on the list brought back so many memories of people I thought I would never think of again.

I cant believe its been 10 years already.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

I've actually had a nice weekend. (More detail later)

On my way back from New Jersey, once I reached near home, I got pulled over.

I was doing 70 in a 55. I can't drive 55. Neither can a lot of other people who were speeding past me.

The officer complimented me on the fact that I pulled over to the correct side, and turned on my signal as I did so. Little did he know, I've been through this experience before. People picking on the American made car. (Chevy)

He then slapped me with a ticket for $148.

Now because I got this ticket in my home state, if I pay this, it means I plead guilty, I get points on my insurance, and the insurance goes up. Im a po' folk, so I cannot afford this. I must fight the good fight.

I am going to blatantly lie and plead not guilty. Im going to court!!! I've never been to court, so I hope Dylan McDermott is my lawyer.

One thing that makes me upset, is that if I am terribly unlucky, they may set my court date on one of the days I have scheduled my non-refundable trip to California. If thats the case, I will be very very sad. Im in a quandry.

To add insult to injury, the Flames lost last night, forcing a game 7 in the Stanley Cup finals.

I need some cheering up. Please answer the following questions which I blantly stole from her blog.

1. Who are you?
2. Have we ever met?
3. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
4. Describe me in one word.
5. What reminds you of me?
6. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
7. Ever wanted to tell me something but didn’t?
8. What do you love like a fat kid loves cake?
9. What makes you come back here?