Thursday, April 29, 2004

My new favorite song of the moment is "Move your Body" by Nina Sky.

Its fun, funky, and great to dance to.

Which means I've been inspired to go to NYC for the weekend.

I'm going to see my friends, go shopping, and hopefully meet this man.

I'm so excited, yet so nervous, but more excited than nervous. I'm guessing we'll go out for a drinky drink. Heh.

I have no idea what to wear, and my hair is a mess.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I didnt go to my class today.

First off, I forgot my books. So after work I came home. When I got out of the car, there was my niece jumping up and down, and running towards me. She was smiling and waving and she gave me as big of a hug as a 2 year old can give.

I'm a workaholic. I very rarely call out, and I dont miss class.

Once she hugged me, I knew I meant to spend the evening with her. We went to the park, played on the slide, and chased a cat.

Sometimes it pays to drop the regularly scheduled program to remember whats important to you.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Sunday was the Walkathon. We were so lucky to have a beautiful day. The walk was only 6.5 miles. My group was a friend from high school, 2 friends from work, and the 15 year old daughter of one of them. We didnt even realize how much we walked since we were talking the whole time. It was a lot of fun! When we got there, everyone had to stretch out together. That was weird. I had this illusion that I was in California doing Yoga on the beach. By the end we sat in the grass soaking up the sunshine. We were looking good and feeling fine! I then came home, took a long, relaxing shower, and watched a movie. I didnt move far from the couch. I was in zen mode.

Contrast to today...I think I've mentioned the new Serbian girl whom I've had the (Sarcasm alert, Sarcasm alert!) extreme pleasure of training.

Her English is very minimal. She has improved greatly, and I do exhibit a large amount of patience with her. I understand the fact that she is coming to a new world, new society, new life, and it is a massive adjustment. I stress again that I am very patient with her, and will explain things to her step by step.

Today, I reached my limit.

Friday I gave her my password so she can log on to my computer and do some work. (I can log onto another computer, so I still have access) I came in today and the computer wasnt on, and she was reading something completely different than the task at hand.

I asked her, "Why didnt you turn on the computer?"

She said, "I dont know how."

This was her response. For real. Dead Serious.

She's 35 years old!! I'm confident that there are computers in Serbia!! What is going on?!

There are only 3 buttons anyway. The sad thing is, she didnt attempt to press any of them. I figured she thought one was a nuke button. (At this point, I still had my jacket on. I probably should have turned around and gone back home)

Still with my jacket on, she points to the blackness on the computer screen says in a confused voice, "...what about the screen?"

Inside my head I was screaming,"Mother, do you want to bang heads with me?" But my mother did not get my telepathic message.

I pushed the ONE button on the computer screen to turn it on.

Wait. There's more. Much more.

The CTRL+ALT+Delete sign comes on. You have to press these at the same time so the sign in comes on. She was pressing them one at a time. I forgave her for this oversight.

She signs in, and assures me she knows how to get to her program. She tries to insert the floppy into Drive A. She's struggling. She's trying to shove it into the drive. Seeing her do this, I noticed that the silver part of the floppy was facing outside.

She turns to me and says, "Its not going."

I told her that she had to "Put her thing down flip it and reverse it." She finally understood, and the disk was inserted and she began work.

My day was all downhill from there.

***Pluses about a down day. Everyone is extra nice, and treats you like a cutie pie. I talked to Cali Law Student Boy, and the compliments were rolling. I'm feeling a bit better. I'm debating if I should have a shot of tequila before bed to really and truly knock me out.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

In the sea of negativity I call my life, I always do my best to highlight the positives.

But first the negatives: (In no particular order)

1) Stupid people

2) This guy at work got himself a horrible haircut. I hate it when people do something treacherous to their looks. Why dont they realize they shouldnt mess with a good thing?!

3) I applied to a couple schools for a Masters Degree. The school I want to go to WAITLISTED me. (in my words, Put me on the B-List)

I did the applications on a whim and very last minute, so I do have every intention of reapplying again next year, with a lot more experience under my belt. I dont like the waitlist thing. I didnt get a yes, I didnt get a no. In a couple months, if I get a no, that means I wasnt really on the B-List, I was probably on the D minus list, and my ego is really tired of a beating.

Now, on to the POSITIVES!!...(Hooray!)

1) I've raised over $200 in my first Walkathon. Sunday is the big day, and I hope the sun is out.

2) I taken my second step into the 21st century and bought myself a digital camera. Now I have to figure out how to use the thing. I was hoping my Squash Buddy would read the manual for me, then teach me how to work the little camera. Its so cute.

3) (My personal fave)...I lost 3 pounds!

Losing weight for me is the item which needs to be highlighted the most. So the other day, most of my conversations went something like this...

Them: "Hey, how are you?"

Me: "I lost 3 pounds."

Them: "Do you know where Julie is?"

Me: "No, But I lost 3 pounds."

Them: "Do you know why the protocol wasnt submitted?"

Me: "Do you know that I lost 3 pounds?"

Now, I still havent had the guts to try on bathing suits which I need for my trip to Miami. I dont know if this is a positive or negative.

A couple more positives: Made all of my appointments, except for the pedicure. Haircut and highlights, waxing, and even a 30000 miles car service appointment. (I just learned today that there is a special category for the 30000 miles car service)

I feel so yin-yang.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

In Da Morning...

In da morning, I wake up to the radio part of the clock radio. I listen to a real fun pop morning show where they talk about dating, sex, shopping, movies, celebrity gossip and all sorts of glamorous things (which I so love).

I cant wake up in the morning and listen to NPR or any political show. I usually get frustrated real quick, and yell at my radio. By the time I get into work, Im snapping like a snapper turtle on PMS.

When my station plays music, its so depressing. I cant stand waking up to the song, "My Immortal" by Evanescence. Its like waking up and wanting to kill myself. Or the depressing Hoobastank song. The angry Nickelback song. The melancholy "The First Cut is the Deepest." Are these people seriously trying to motivate me to continue on with my day?

Sunday, April 18, 2004

My Dichotomous Life.

Yesterday was fabulous. The sun was shining, I wore shorts and went hiking with my friend. We had a great time laughing and talking. Everyone in high spirits. Even the bank teller was super chipper!

At night, I went with 2 of my friends, to the birthday party of a friend of one of the friends. The birthday girl is from Trinidad, and one friend I went with is from Trinidad, and the other is Jamaican.

We had a blast. They played calypso music, and we were jamming. We ate all the yummy Trini food...I was in heaven. Everyone was mixing well, we had fun conversation, and just enjoyed ourselves all around.

I came home at 2am, and found a message from Cali Law Student Boy on my answering machine. I figured it was about 11 in California, let me call and say hello. He was at this party, drunk, and a little flustered because apparently someone bothered him. I calmed him down, which took 20 minutes, and then let him go.

I was peacefully sleeping, when at 4am my phone rang. Its Cali Law Student Boy. He is sounding low. He was saying how he had a great day, and then at this party some people started bothering him when he didnt think he did anything wrong. I talked to him to relax him. Then he finally told me what happened.

He was talking about me, and mentioned I was Indian. His friends there began calling me his 'brown girlfriend.' They think he should find someone from his own race. I guess this conversation has been popping up a lot since he started mentioning me to his friends there. They've asked him if he can imagine having babies with little brown heads on them.

Hearing this, my feelings got hurt too. Not because of him, but because people can actually think like that. I didnt let on, and he was probably too drunk to notice even if I did. I told him that is the tip of the iceberg when you want to commit yourself in a clearly interracial relationship. I told him what my friend had said, and explained if we decide to forego a commitment, he is going to expect comments. I've only had one friend make any sort of rude comment, but he's had quite a few.

He said he felt awful. (Drinking for 10 hours doesnt help either) He said he is putting me through. I stayed on as his voice of reason telling him not to worry, and people will say things. You have to choose your battles. Then he said that he was being "an asshole." I told him to walk home at one point, so I stayed on the phone with him. We talked about the race thing a lot. It was actually a good conversation, unfortnately, since he was tres drunk, I'll probably have to remind him of the conversation. He is super confident, and I guess I put him on some kind of pedastal because of it. It was comforting to know that he has a couple insecurities too.

He made it into the house, and I told him to drink water. I then told him to go to bed.

At 6am, I was off the phone.

This whole morning, I've been thinking about the whole race issue. It angers me that some people find rules in love, and that there are still people who believe in 'sticking to ones own kind.' Thats fine if they want to live their life that way, but dont dictate me.

Fifty years ago, in Brown Vs. Board of Education, the Supreme Court outlawed school segregation.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Did you pay your taxes?

I had a very disturbing conversation with a male friend yesterday.

To preface about my friend: We are of different religions. I have known him for about 3 years.

After a long time, I saw him online and I said hello. He always asks me about my dating life, so I told him about Cali Law Student Boy and The Optometrist.

More prefacing: I am Indian. Cali Law Student Boy is White. The Optometrist is Indian.

Like I said, I was telling him about these two boys. I was saying how Cali Law Student Boy was really nice, and very supportive. The Optometrist is also nice, but I've talked to him for only a couple weeks, so I dont know him in depth.

Then he asked what race they were, and said that I should stick to The Optometrist because he is 'of my kind.'

He continued saying, "If you dont marry someone of your race, your kids will be confused. You will have to compromise. Your family wont accept him, his family wont completely accept you."

This made me upset. I know race doesnt matter unless you let it. I know bi-racial people who are confused, and bi-racial people who are just dandy. But if the 2 people in question can see past the race and religion, does it matter what everyone around you thinks?

I have friends who are in interracial marriages. They tell me that the in-laws have some issues with them. They dont understand their language. Cultural differences. Sometimes these things pose a problem, but the husband and wife in question are perfectly happy.

I think if a religion or culture is THAT important to you, one should make sure that they find someone who understands that or is willing to understand that. If someone has tons of good qualities, but they are just of a different race, you're losing out for not taking the chance.

People have told me that I'm idealistic in my view points.

I know I make sense.

Monday, April 12, 2004

Life would be nice if it were like this song by Great Big Sea....

"When I Am King"

Wake up, without a care. Your head's not heavy, conscience clear
Sins are all forgiven here, yours and mine
Fear has gone without a trace
It's the perfect time, it's the perfect place
Nothing hurting. Nothing sore. No one suffers anymore,
The doctor's found a simple cure.
Just in time

All these things if I were King would all appear around me
The world will sing when I am King
The world will sing when I am King

She walks right in she don't even knock. It's the girl you lost to the high school jock
She shuts the door and turns the lock, and takes your hand.
She says she always felt a fool, for picking the Captain over you
She wonders if you miss her, says she always told her sister
That you're the best damn kisser
That she's ever had

Daylight waits to shine until the moment you awaken
So you never miss the dawn
No question, now, you know which road you're taking
Lights all green, the radio plays just the perfect song

Well, the war's been won. All the fights are fought
You find yourself in just the spot
It's a place where everybody's got a song to sing.
Just like the final movie scene. The prince will find his perfect queen
The hero always saves the world. The villains get what they deserve
The boy will always get the girl
When I am King

or if it were like this poem by Shel Silverstein

I will not play at tug o'war.
I'd rather play at hug o'war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.

The funny thing, is when I hear the song or poem, I smile.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

One thing in life which can be the cause of great stress is buying a present for ANYONE.

I actually love buying presents. I'm not good at telling someone what I think of them, so I put all sorts of personal touches to the gift itself to let them know I care. This is accompanied with a sappy yet sweet birthday card.

This week I met my match. I have a dear friend whose birthday is coming up, and I had no idea what to get him. He's ultra-studious (attending med school in Texas), goes out once in a great while, and doesnt play any sports. He is really into his work. He is very intuitive and knows me well.

I was stuck. I know he likes the Patriots football team, but I didnt want to get a sporty gift. I got him a book for Christmas. He likes maps. On Amazon I found a book with maps from the 20th Century. Unfortunately it wasn't in stock. Why keep a book in the listing if it isnt in stock?! I saw this as a blessing, as I didnt want to be the friend who expands his book collection.

I sought the advice of this man and this man, who did their best to give direct me in the manly direction.

I then decided on a lava lamp.

I dont know why. I figure everyone should love, own, and love to own a lava lamp. Except one thing...I wasn't sure if he could carry it back to Texas with him. I am NOT giving a gift to someone so it is enjoyed by everyone else, but the person the gift was intended for. Thats not my style.

I started thinking about my week, and how hectic it is. I didnt know how I could get to the mall to buy the aforementioned lava lamp. To relax my brain and avoid gray hair spoutage, I thought about how I need to buy shoes. I remembered there was a toy store near there, and jokingly thought, "Why don't I buy some freakin' Legos for him?"

Now here is where my brain was like lightning. The idea rolled into my head. Its interesting how things will hit you out of nowhere, when you least expect it. (I'm not trying to overdramatize this!) Meaning that when you are focused and thinking about something, looking for a reason or an answer, it can be harder to find the answer. But when you're sitting back and thinking about shoes and a great outfit you saw in Cosmo, an answer or a thought will land right in front of your face.

My friend is very lonely in Texas. He has a few friends, but he misses all of us on the East Coast. Thankfully he has one more month, so I thought I would send him an "All Occasions Basket." Its not going to be filled with a candle, loofah and scented soaps.

Here is where the Legos come into play.

I was going to buy a small Lego kit. Wrap it. Put a piece of paper on the outside which reads, "Use when you need to feel constructive."

A few weeks ago, he had a fever and called to whine about his sickness. I thought of buying Nyquil, wrapping it, and having the paper read, "Use when you are feeling sick."

Then I would buy one of the baby sized tequilas, wrap it and write, "Use in times of stress!"

Then I would go to Barnes & Nobles and buy a "Party in a box" thing that they sell near the checkout, wrap it and write "Open when its Party time!"

Last, but not least, I want to make a CD, wrap it, and write, "Listen when you need to remember that someone cares about you!"

I'm pretty sure those will be the contents of the Birthday Box. It may be a little on the cheeseball side, but a gift from me is not complete without the cheesiness. Plus, its always fun to unwrap a bunch of gifts instead of one big ol' book filled with maps. Maps! What was I thinking?! To think I was proud of that idea! I promise never to do that to any of you.

I'm going to shop for all the goodies tomorrow, so who knows what I'll pick up...for him...and myself.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Ah...the weekend wrap up!


Working with the Yugoslavian/Serbia girl has been difficult due to her minimal English. She is very very nice, but she is literally perched on my shoulder. I cant even write non-work related email because she just stares at the screen. I also have to help her with all the little things because she is too scared to ask anyone. Not that I mind, but my work is suffering.

Then I thought about when I was a girl in a foreign country. It was hard to find anyone to help, so I offered to take Serbia girl to buy some things. Poor girl doesnt have a car, and just doesnt have anything.

We went to Walmart. As we looked at laundry baskets, she said how 'gorgeous' Walmart is. Gorgeous isnt the word I would use to describe Walmart. So with 2 carts, we bought a microwave, a TV, dishes, and silverware. She marveled at how much cheaper things were here than in Serbia.

I asked her if she had an elevator in her apartment. She said yes, so I was happy. But there was something about the look on her face that didnt convince me. I've done the smile and nod bit when someone is speaking to me in a foreign language. I'm not falling for my bit! So I rephrased the question as, "Is there a lift in your flat?"

"No," she replied.

"CRAP!" I thought.

So I ended up carrying all the heavy stuff up 3 flights of stairs. (Lamp, Microwave, Chair) She helped me with the TV. I was so dead. Anytime I help someone move, I like to go for drinks afterwards. I couldnt even muster water. (I should also mention that I had to be at work at 7am that day)

I couldnt meet my friend for drinks. No way. It wasnt happening.

Although she thanked me profusely, and she even thanked me today. She's taking me out for pizza on Wednesday. Holla.


Lunch with the girls! Myself and 3 of my high school friends went out to lunch. We then enumerated the list of people we don't want to see from high school. This whole reunion thing isnt looking so promising.


Sunday night I went over to Christy's. She worked on something called a Mercy Ship. She has a ton of friends from that, and they are a great bunch. They are very gracious and so smart, I love hanging around them. We were going to a concert.

Before the concert, we went to this place called "The Space" where there was some sort of Christian gathering reading. I HATE being a part of anything religious. I'm not, and I dont really believe in any organized religion, so when I'm at one of these things, I feel awkward. People are singing with their eyes closed, swaying, and raising their hands to God. I've never had any feeling like that ever, and its seems a little too evangelistal to me. We went because Christy's friend was doing a reading. She's having a crisis with faith, and only went to support him. All that preaching was too strange for me. This may come as a shock to you, but I passed on communion. Not that I'm baptized anyway.

FINALLY we got out of there, and went for a quick bite to eat. I had the YUMMIEST, greasiest chicken wings in the world. After 7, I was stuffed. Boy were they fun to eat!

Then we went to the concert venue. Its one of those smaller places which fits about 200 people standing.

We saw Great Big Sea!

Great Big Sea are this band from Canada. They play fun/Irish/Celtic/Rock/happy type music. They are HUGE there. They play for stadiums filled with 10,000 people. Here...not so huge...yet.

We had so much fun. We were all jumping around (happy jumping, not mosh pit jumping) dancing and singing along. We were all sober, but probably looked drunk. It was great. Great as Great Big Sea themselves! We couldnt stop smiling, and after the concert we were all so giddy.

After the concert, came home and crashed on my lovely bed.

Today was the first day of daylight lasting until 7:30-8pm.

The sun was shining.

We're getting there.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Socially, work has been a ton of fun lately.

I found a substitute squash buddy, as my squash buddy has gone home to Hungary for 2 weeks. I will now be playing squash against a New Zealander who runs like a rabbit on speed. Emergeny paramedics will be standing by.

We hired 2 new people. One girl is from Yugoslavia and her English is very minimal. Because I lived outside the U.S. for a number of years, I am fluent in broken, round about English. For a good part of the day as I showed her around, I was translating American English into broken, round about English.

For Example:

She was asked, "Do you need a social security number to pay rent?"

I had to translate, "Are you needing the social security number to give the money for the flat?"

Then she understood.

She kept saying that I was "kind" all day. She was super sweet, but I somehow have to train her to toughen up. Now I dont consider myself a rough tough cocoa puff by any stretch. But...

Earlier in the morning, one of my many bosses was telling my fave receptionist, "Since I'm on a diet, you have to pry the candy from my hands!"

Later we had a meeting where lunch was provided. Cookies inclusive. Boss #12 took a small piece of cookie. She went to take more, and I said, "Boss #12, didnt you say you shouldnt eat sugary stuff?"

She then told everyone how tough I am because I "wouldnt let her eat a cookie!" Then I was given the new assignment of scheduling the patients, because if the other Docs do it, they will do whatever they want. Meaning they will overbook and not give a second thought, and when someone does give a second thought, they will fight it.

Basically, I get to keep my other bosses in line.

So we've also hired a new data manager. He's 25 and pretty nice. Everyone thinks we will get together just because we are both single. I'm not for romance at the workplace.

I'm in a bit of a quandry. Both of these new employees are getting paid more than I do, which is bothering me a lot. I love my job. I love the atmosphere, I love the people, I love the people around the people. But I get paid peanuts!! Jacksquat! I've been thinking of applying for a new job, where I'll risk losing the extreme fulfillment I get from this job, the experience, and the opportunity to do different side research bits...but... I can get a bigger paycheck somewhere else, which will allow me to move out, and live leisurely. I doubt I will enjoy it as much. I feel so greedy.


Its time to open another bag of Lays BBQ Potato chips. Can I go to Miami now?