Tuesday, July 03, 2007

So I suffered a minor setback with the job rejection, but I am back on track. It took a few days, but I'm back back back. I was moping for a bit, because I was pretty sure I would get that job. I haven't broken that news to my parents, but at the same time I'm confident some other interview will come soon.

Since my parents choose not to encourage me and be supportive, I choose to avoid them. While I understand their concern, I don't appreciate the fact that they are underestimating me, thinking I'm not being proactive. They have known me for 30 years, I am anything but passive!

Usually, my dad chooses to eat in front of the TV. This allows my mother and I to eat in peace (usually), and have random conversation. When he joins us, I eat as fast as possible and scurry from the kitchen.

My parents criticize me over The 3 Deadly M's. Marriage, Money, and Mass. My singleness, my job situation, and my weight.

Today it was the job. My dad thinks I'm the only one in the world who cannot get a job. While I've been doing different things during my time (not to mention taking care of my niece!) regarding work, I haven't found anything permanent. It is hard. While I know I'm not the only one, and am grateful I have their (financial) support so I don't have to be sweeping floors and can write and look at leisure.

Tonight, when we were at dinner, my dad pounced. My mom actually thought I didnt have the confidence to work. What?!

My dad gave me some suggestions, all of which I have done. Which is why I was smiling. I dont tell him these things though. I told him, yes I did X, and he said I did it wrong. So it is why I listen in silence and just smile. I am doing what I can, calling people, scouring the internet, talking with profs, really everything I can do without parking myself in an office, not moving, and demanding a paycheck. I KNOW I'M DOING EVERYTHING. I'm doing it all right too. It will come. This is for sure.

Sometimes it is hard to listen to them because they've changed their stance, so the part where I have listened doesnt even apply anymore. I sit quietly, smile, knowing that no matter what I said, they would call me wrong. Be happy.

Since my father knew I wasnt breaking (I think my smiling was irritating him), he tried to finish with a flourish saying, "You don't look as pretty as you used to. You've gained a lot of weight." To which I said, "It's ok if you think I'm ugly. I know I look good." He tried to argue, but I wasnt listening. What's the point? I am happy.


swirly girl said...

Reading your entry makes me think of my own father. It also makes me think of scene in V for Vendetta...

"I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. "

I do.

dr.p said...

Oh Lord, you're going to make me cry. :) Thank you. Sincerely.

Robert said...

OMG, your dad can be so cruel!!! That was unnecessary. d'oh. Well, take it with a hint of salt.. he's just frustrated I'm sure. But still, that was uncalled for.

Am glad that you're happy, and that you're trying your best. It's not like you DON'T want a job. Things just happen the way they do. Your dad should just chill out :-), they prolly miss your niece on top of his frustration. :-(

You'll do well. Very soon.

Dr.P said...

I am happy because I am aware things are good and are getting better. I am also sure things will fall into place. But I get the feeling my dad wants me to feel bad about my job situation and because I'm not sulking or anything is happening, he is going to try to make me feel bad. Does that make sense?