Friday, June 15, 2007

Moving on, Moving on, Moving on. It is paralyzing me.

My niece's school year is done on Tuesday. She will be done with Kindergarten, going into 1st grade, and moving to Pennsylvania to finally live with her parents. She is so happy and I am so sad. So this week has been a week of "lasts." Her last music class at school, her last full week of school, her last dance class, her last full week at her daycare which she loves so much. I even saw her teacher (whom I have known since MY childhood) on Thursday, and then she said, come back on Monday! haha It is hard to let go. I was sad when her dance teacher was saying, "I wont see you again!" But my niece has done so well this year. An only child, living with 3 adults none of whom are her parents, coming to a new town, and made a bazillion friends. I just feel like I'm on a train that is moving so fast. I think when you can watch a kid grow, you feel that more than without them. If I have the chance to be a mother, I'm going to need a steady stream of Xanax and tissues.

Moving is hard. I moved twice as a child, and I think that is why I understand the lasting emotions of a move. I remember that lonely feeling and missing particular friends who understood me, who I had a rhythm with. To this day, I still wonder how life would have turned out if I stayed in a particular school. Sometimes I wonder how life moved on so much without me. I still keep in touch with a couple people from my first move, more than 23 years ago. I think my niece will do the same. Heck, with email and the internet, anything is possible. There is something about that first real friend though...

My emotions are high right now because I interviewed for a job in North Carolina. I've lived in the Northeast my whole life. This job in North Carolina would be great for so many reasons. Experience, financial, great company...While I was there I was thinking about if I get it, I would have to move. I have a few friends in North Carolina, but I would have to do my best to make it a home. That is a scary thought. At least when I was younger I was in school, so therein was a social network. North Carolina is so different from anything I'm used to. It is so spread out, people are really really friendly, no real big city (like New York City) right around the corner, and it is a 12 hour drive from my best friend. I remember an old post of Swirly Girl's, saying something like "why would I leave my whole support system?" I completely understand that, and I am questioning why I am even considering it. Of course I would take the job if they offered it. I have to move on sometime, and maybe the universe is telling me that this is the best way to change my life in a positive direction, as scary as it may seem.

So yes, I am a basketcase. To the point I skipped my volunteer work all this week. I couldnt focus. (although I will do my work from home) I am confident things will work out for the best, and the best doesn't always come easy.

3 comments:

swirly girl said...

Support systems are so important. So is learning that you can survive without them.

It's sounds corny, but if you slow down a little and really think about it you'll be able to decipher if it's fear or something else.

North Carolina is a great place. I lived there as a kid...ok, I lived on a military base; but still, some of my happiest memories are based in North Carolina.

dr.p said...

It's more fear of having to start completely fresh and new. I am excited about everything else (although the one thing that needs to happen is them telling me that I have the job!). But being 30, single and moving to a new place seems daunting.

swirly girl said...

what are you saying there dr.p? that a 30 year-old, unmarried girl such as yourself can't turn the world on its ear? pshaw....

How long until you know something about the job?