Monday, June 25, 2007

I am mentally exhausted. Drained right now. In desperate need of a vacation. I kind of feel like the 'whipping girl' around the house because I've been asked to do 101 things, which is hard with a 5 year old in dire need of attention 24-7.

I think I'm a little bit of a crankypants because of the weekend. My sister-in-law graduated from her residency program (yay, she's a real doc now!). I am very very very proud and happy for her. Although for whatever reason, my father chooses the times where we need to celebrate as a family to point out my shortcomings. Instead of highlighting every miserable comment, I will point out the 2 that gutted me the most were "If you just stayed in medicine you really could have been something," as if my life is over and I should find a cardboard box now, and when he pinched my arm and said "Wow, you're getting big," although I have lost 22 pounds (I gained a heck of a lot during grad school. I can admit this).

While it still bothers me that one of the people who should be my biggest support might as well be friends with my worst enemy, I somehow got over it. Then my brother tells me I need to pack all of my niece's stuff since the movers are coming on Friday (to pick up his family's stuff). Nevermind that he is coming Thursday and can do it himself considering it is his daughter, but my brother was smart enough to set the standards of him doing anything at an all time low so he would never be asked to do anything for anyone.

I am taking a 5 year old on my own pretty much. This is hard work. Especially when the 5 year old is moving and you have to schedule all sorts of playdates with her and her friends. Luckily I've done that. Still, I don't want her to watch TV all day, so I have to entertain her. Plus, get her stuff ready, feed her, bathe her, all the things a parent would do.

I am very sad that she is leaving. Very sad is an understatement but my brain is too tired to think of any better adjectives. I am also exhausted, because I have things in my own life I need to take care of. Actually, I'd like to read a book.

I am thankful for the people who have told me I am doing a good job. My sister-in-law, whose opinion is the most important. My niece's kindergarten teacher, a few of her friends parents, and I was also surprised at a couple fathers who said I was doing a great job. I was really happy to hear that.

Maybe one of these days, when I move away from home, I can sit, be rested and have some happy clarity.

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